Our New 'Most Dangerous of Morons'
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is my congresswoman. I know that because I drove two hours to vote against her, to no avail. The rude woman at the poll challenged my vote because my signature didn’t match from when I registered as a Conservative in 1976. It’s possible that the “C” next to my name provoked her ire, because the man in front of me, a stinky white nonagenarian from the retirement home, escorted by an apparently olfactory-challenged, nice, and tolerant young black woman (she smiled as he told the poll lady she was his illegitimate love-child) didn’t sign at all, and the malicious monitor didn’t throw her challenge flag.
I explained that I had been crushed against a wall by a 48′ tractor-trailer in 2008, and my hand had been cut off and sewn back on, which was why I was wearing a glove. I offered to show her my driver’s license, which had proved enough, lo these many years. She said ID wasn’t allowed, and the mere mention of it made her angrier and ruder. I thought she was going to slap me in my privilege.
So I guess my vote didn’t count. Living in the Bronx, it never counts. Still, I vote every year, although, unlike the apocryphal Einstein quote, without expecting different results.
I’m not entirely confident that the doctors who promised me the hand job did it correctly.
For a sarcastic bastard like myself, Ocasio-Cortez and her constant stream-of-consciousness utterances are a target-rich environment. As America’s own special lacuna, she has much in common with our last president. Except, to my eyes, she fills her empty suit a little better. As with Barry, she knows very little about a lot of things and a lot about very little. Yet she is pretty enough and enigmatic enough that people listen.
She is absolutely convinced that every idea she has for America’s future is so good, so transformational, so “halting the rise of oceans” transcendent that we must all be forced to follow her down the Yellow Brick Road to a fantasy world where she is both Dorothy and the Wizard, happily dancing her Breakfast Club homage as we try not to look into her crazy eyes for fear we’ll be turned to stone.
Of course, we’ll be walking down that path since with her Green New Deal, there won’t be any cars, and we’ll have plenty of time, because having destroyed the world’s economy, there won’t be any jobs, either. And though we’ll be weak from the resulting starvation, we can take cold comfort in our unheated homes that she’s going to save humanity even if it kills us.
You see, like Barack Obama, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a most dangerous of morons: the moron who doesn’t know she’s a moron. And she’s not afraid to prove it every day.
Like Barry, she is almost too easy to mock, as CRTV host Allie Stuckey did way back in July. I’m looking forward to doing the same.
Breaking: Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (D-Da Bronx) lambasts Trump on his wall, saying, “It’s a scam, meant to divert attention from where a wall is really needed, between America and Romania because their lettuce is killing us!” Adding, “Trump doesn’t care about vegans because they’re mostly Democrats who are also mostly minorities, so his refusal to block Romania’s act of war is racism – impeach 45!”
Don’t misunderstand: calling Ocasio-Cortez and Barry the most dangerous of morons is not an ableist screed. I have nothing against morons. I’ve known many; I’ve employed many. Heck, I’ve even lived with a few, although for the most part, when I was cohabiting with a girl and there was a moron in the house, it was usually I. My saving grace was that I’ve always known I am a moron.
That makes all the difference.
You see, a moron can be a productive member of society. Harry Callahan said, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” He was right. When a person understands the game and his capabilities, he can work effectively up to his potential. A person who needs his fingers to tell you 2+2=4 should not be designing a bridge. The most dangerous of morons will insist that they not only should design that bridge, but are entitled to design that bridge. And, à la JFK Jr., “they/them” would willingly drive over that bridge every day. We all know how that worked out for John John as he lost his horizon and, along with his wife and sister-in-law, hurtled straight into the ocean.
Yet a digitally challenged individual can be great at customer contact, or sales, or perceiving trends. Heck, a moron could be the best damn machinist in the world without ever being able to spell “machinist.” Intelligence has nothing to do with success or value. The understanding of one’s own intelligence, its reaches, and its limitations, however, does have much to do with how far a person can travel down the road of life.
Ocasio-Cortez thinks she’s brilliant just as Barry thought he was brilliant. Barry spent his life having people tell him he was a genius, and with Ocasio-Cortez, it was probably just the voices in her head (thank goodness they didn’t tell her to kill, what with her sycophants’ threats to Congressman Scalise).
Just as politics is Hollywood for ugly people, pre-eminence in politics is reserved for the best-looking of the “ugly.” See: Barry and Alexandria – they are ugly only on the inside and the two are at the “tippy top” in politics. Maybe we should lop off 70% of both as our “fair share”?
Personally, now that she’s been “inaugurated” and will soon start “signing” bills into law, I am looking forward to a solid two years of mocking her. And since I am, after all, a constituent, what I say should be taken every bit as seriously as her own pearls of wisdom.
She has admitted that she may not always be “precisely, factually, and semantically correct,” but she’s always and forever “morally right.” Maybe she meant to say “left.” It’s all so confusing – “I just want to dance…”
Breaking: Alexandria Ocasio Cortez brags that “over 200 languages are spoken in my district alone.” And she knows the names of almost half of them and the ones she doesn’t know, she has her best team of intersectional, they/them, undocumented migrants who are “more American than any person who seeks to keep them out ever will be” working on it.
I don’t care what any privileged, white, greedy, racist deplorable says; she will always be my “tippy top.” I hope that’s not an insult to the LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ crowd – if it is, Ocasio-Cortez is it.
Because as Joe Biden would literally say, Ocasio-Cortez is literally a big f‑‑‑‑‑‑‑ deal, and literally the only person who can make a big f‑‑‑‑‑‑‑ difference for literally all of us.
Please follow William L. Gensert on Twitter @williamlgensert.