New Microaggression Goggles Help You Find Something Offensive In Any Situation

From the Babylon Bee

U.S.—A new pair of Microaggression Goggles has been made available for people who want to find something offensive in any situation.

The goggles are available on Kickstarter. The promotional video claims that the goggles are able to actively identify threats to political correctness and alert you when you’re about to be dangerously oppressed.

“Are you tired of having to search for something to be oppressed by?” a voiceover says in the ad. “With our patented microaggression-tracking technology, you won’t have to search any longer. Now, you can instantly identify up to 100 things to be offended by in any conversation.”

The product will detect a wide range of microaggressions, including the following:

White privilege
MAGA hats
Smiling at you without your consent
Manspreading
Mansplaining
Manbreathing
Manexisting
Lack of avocado toast
Cultural appropriation
Cultural exclusion
Being hateful toward women
Being too friendly toward women
Not liking The Last Jedi
You can back the goggles for $99 at a base level or spend $4,999 on a deluxe edition that includes a white guy who will follow you around so you can claim to be even more oppressed. The Kickstarter creator believes they will ship within the next decade.