Babylon Bee Wins Again: CNN Says Mueller Report Was Ordained by God to ‘Test Our Unshakeable Faith in Collusion’

A political party paradigm is “This happened; now how do we spin it?”

Since the 2016 election ramp-up, that mode of operation has applied equally to the mainstream media.

Hence, what once was an organization disseminating objective information has fully become a political party.

Or part of one: Are our major parties now Republican, Democrat, and Media, or is the press simply a part of the DNC?

Either way, news is dead.

But faith isn’t — and the Babylon Bee hit a homerun Thursday with a fantastic article: “CNN: ‘God Allowed The Mueller Report To Test Our Unshakable Faith In Collusion.’”

It must be so — just see here, here, and here.

The BB summarizes thusly:

Anchors at CNN headquarters have made a bold statement of unwavering faith after the Mueller Report revealed no actual evidence that Trump colluded with Russia. “We believe in collusion with all our hearts and will never let the world’s teachings get in the way of that,” said Jim Acosta while mumbling mantras quietly in a room misty with burning incense.

The piece finds Anderson Cooper revealing that God permitted the report in order “to test our unshakable faith in what we know to be true.”

That’s precisely the current state of the MSM. While their edict is correctly “Research and report without opinion,” they prefer “Designate desired conclusion, say whatever necessary — accurate or not — to support it.”

The Bee reports a hilarious CNN statement of faith:

We believe the true Mueller Report, regardless of the one released by men.

We believe that there is collusion, eternally existent in the person of Trump and the country of Russia.

We believe in the infallibility of the media, sinless, miraculous. We will redeem humankind.

We believe that for the salvation of lost and sinful man, collusion is absolutely essential.

We believe in the collusion of Trump and Russia. All statements and evidence that purports to contradict that truth are lies of the Dark Lord.

Amen.

Alex

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