Remission Then Flare-- Barely Out of Bed Today

I had several good days in a row right before and up through my birthday. Starting thinking happy thoughts about remission-period starting early and imagining walking at the park and dancing a little and doing yard work and gardening! On those days when I have energy it is hard to even imagine flaring– even if one just happened. It’s like I want to forget the illness part of my life altogether and it just sort of recedes into the background of my mind.

Until the next flare…

I had first pain flares (which I thankfully have meds to treat now) and then fatigue flares.

Most mornings there is a process. Rarely I have that precious “pop out of bed” days that means I’m good all day long. More often, I wake up feeling sluggish, clumsy, and muddle-headed. I put on PJs and get settled in my nook area with my laptop and TV and take my meds, get a morning drink, and try to wake up. Much of the time, there is a steady improvement, and within an hour or two I’m fairly functional and cogent. Other mornings, though– it’s like the dregs of sleep just never let go.

Today was one of those days.

I’m feeling a little guilty about procrastinating lately.  =^/  I keep thinking I need to get back to my projects of writing about my paranormal past and/or working on audio posts. Then it seems I’m either struggling OR having a remission and wanting to go play. Its tough to shuffle through a day like a ghost, knowing what it’s like to be able-bodied, but not being able to get there. The remission days seem like dreams– breaks in an otherwise grim physical reality. And when the dream comes, I’m off and flying in that space, not wanting to deal with anything serious. That head-space seems self-limiting, though.

Regardless, I have been in a remarkably good mood through it all for a few weeks now. Between the Lyrica, supplements, and occasional *ahem* treatment, things continue to improve and hold me at a steady state of mental health. That’s a welcome relief! And I really think that getting back on track in so many ways means my weird need to avoid working on my projects will give way to a more productive mentality.

Right now, though, “productive” is not possible. I’ve spent most of the day in bed and it’s taking forever to type this out. Blah!