Positive Doctor's Visit

I am very proud of myself for yesterday!

I went to my nurse practitioner, got an insurance form filled to fix a glitch in my paperwork, and then got weighed by a nice nurse.

I lost 15 pounds in the last month + a week! I’m hoping it’s not all muscle mass from lack of moving, but I have been moving a lot more lately. Also, my appetite is just down. I can’t eat like I did before. I’m counting that as a small grace during this period.

I spoke to the nurse okay, not scared, no shakiness.

Then my NP came in and we were able to go over everything I needed. I got my prescriptions re-newed and my BP medicine upped in dosage like I wanted. She agreed to give me 3 months before my next appointment since getting to the doctor is so hard for me. AND she could see for herself that the Lyrica really does help to calm me down. She was amazed I was so calm!

So was I! But the right medication combination (including L-tyrosine and 5-HTP) has really made a difference in my brain chemistry, and I was able to not be tearfully nervous, let alone get a panic attack meltdown. It felt amazing. Also, I already know that the more positive exchanges I have with medical people the better. I can build up trust and the chances of a freak out in public can be avoided completely. At least, that’s the plan. I want to be able to go to doctors and dentists when I need to like most people without humiliating myself. Every triumph helps me stabilize and gives me a boost of confidence. It’s something I really need right now. I have to tackle dentistry again once my cast is off.

I took the evening to celebrate. Got take out food and played a video game and relaxed, feeling like I deserved it. It’s a nice change to feel proud of myself instead of ashamed I can’t cut it. I know I shouldn’t ply those judgements on myself, because my meltdowns weren’t a character flaw, they were a brain glitch. But re-training my brain to NOT GLITCH is no small feat. I need chemical help to do it, for one thing. I wish I didn’t, and at least most of what I take are natural supplements, but I need a boost from time to time as well to keep my beleaguered noggin working.

And I did it… I went to the doctor and was natural and relaxed. I was only very slightly nervous, so I directed that energy into keeping track of my health issues and being chatty and making jokes with the nurses and other patients.

I MADE JOKES PEOPLE! Funny ones that made everyone around me laugh. I’ve NEVER done that at the doctor’s before!

Therefore, I’m going to let myself feel pride in this accomplishment. It took me long enough to get here, Lady knows. =^)