ISIS Hires American Marketing Firm To Recruit Millennials to Jihad

What you see here are some of the “proofs” that were created for a client appearing to be the terrorist group ISIS that were intended to help ISIS in its attempt to recruit young Americans to commit attacks inside the United States. According to our source, the group has been having difficulty getting young people, whom they find to be lazy, to take up arms against the US government.

They reached out to a company called Masters of Mellinnial Marketing and got these proofs and this information (excerpt from the email):

Mr. Rashad,
We have gone through your requirements and put together a prospective site (see attachment). 

TARGET MARKET PROSPECTUS
Millennials today are a reasonably good target market for recruitment given the right emotional motivators. While they survey as saying they care about world events our testing has shown they are most driven by:

• Anxiety about the future

• Unwillingness to take responsibility

• A work ethic that is almost non-existent unless they are entertained

• Fighting with their parents

As such we have modulated your message to better serve your target market. Millennial anger is centered on false hopes and a wish to have meaningful change without actually doing anything. As such, American cultural icons such as Bernie Sanders and Jill Stein, as well as the appeal of new technology are what will sell to this demographic.

CHALLENGES
Millennials do not generally use the “dark web.” This will be an issue in driving traffic and conversions. We think that a targeted marketing campaign can mitigate these difficulties but if we could have a number or redundant servers with friendly geographical distribution, our technology team says that would be preferable.

The best way to play up the difficulties for American millennials who want to go to the Levant is to use humor. None of our target market will be familiar with a squat toilet so the graphics involved will need to be extremely clear. We also don’t want to create distance with our target market by addressing their physical fitness shortcomings.

The use of overly religious terminology will be a barrier to entry with this group. Millennials are spiritual but largely unchurched and they natively distrust organized, hierarchical religions. We have toned it down a lot.

ADVANTAGES
69% of Millennials say they crave adventure: Joining ISIS and traveling to the Levant is the ultimate adventure for a young person. For girls, romance is an added bonus.

75% of Millennials say they would like to travel abroad: Again, this is a bonus if we are trying to get Americans to Syria. But as you’ve said, the recruits are too low quality and generally unsuited for the positions in which you need to place them.

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