RELATIONSHIPS THAT WORK: Following the creative cycle to find the right person

This article was published in The Mindful Word journal of engaged living (http://www.themindfulword.org)

Many people seek a real and satisfying relationship, but few get to experience one. A common approach is to believe in “love at first sight.” I don’t discount that possibility, but no matter how well suited people are for one another, the creative cycle comes into play. In fact, most people unwittingly try to operate the process in reverse, an approach that doesn’t get them anywhere but into difficulty.

The natural, effective order of the creative cycle is: WATER, AIR, EARTH, FIRE. We also use the words STILLNESS, CONNECTION, ACTION, COMPLETION to characterize the respective phases of the cycle. Let’s look at an example of how people unconsciously attempt to work the cycle in reverse.

People want passion so they go on the prowl, hunting for Mister or Miss Right. They see someone at a club and after a drink or two one thing leads to another and they end up in bed trying to complete a cycle that hasn’t begun on the right basis. This is not a moral judgment. The FIRE of passion got them going so they leaped immediately into ACTION without the necessary STILLNESS and before adequate CONNECTION.

The consequence of reversing the cycle is that while the physical stuff (EARTH) might have been wonderful, inside the emotions are
tumultuous. One person is thinking that this is the one I’ve been waiting for all my life while the other is thinking that they scored and can’t get away quickly enough (CONNECTION). Where was the stillness (WATER)?

Our fictional couple responded to the desire for FIRE and leaped into ACTION. There has been no STILLNESS yet nor meaningful CONNECTION.

So, they part ways with promises of a phone call that could possibly strengthen their CONNECTION. Perhaps it might lead to an opportunity to get together again. But what happens? The phone doesn’t ring. Both individuals become confused. Wondering what happened, they end up avoiding one another in embarrassment. They end up not talking, no CONNECTION at all and with that they lapse into silence. The STILLNESS that envelops them is the decidedly chilly kind.

How it could have gone if it was approached in sync with the working of the creative cycle? It would start in STILLNESS and the mystery of not knowing. Each of them may be open to a new relationship, but there needs to be at least a modicum of STILLNESS present to get things off to a good start. In the best-case scenario each person in the potential relationship maintains some level of inner STILLNESS so that they aren’t driven by subconscious impulses. They can maintain some patience and trust that life will determine the way forward.

CONNECTION is the next phase. Eye contact, a hello or an introduction by a mutual friend initiates the second phase of the cycle. Conversation is part of the CONNECTION phase, which includes physical attraction and the kind of contact that lets a sense of what is possible develop. A second meeting (conversation by phone or by email) helps them discover if there’s a sense of oneness between them.

Meeting in person is an ACTION in the third phase of the cycle. If STILLNESS and PATIENCE are kept alive, the couple can determine if further meetings are desirable or even make sense. Physical CONNECTION increases, holding hands, kissing and all that follows. If it all continues to go well and a sense of intimacy and selfless oneness develops between them, the physical consummation of the cycle can happen in physical intimacy. Now that is real FIRE and something to be celebrated.

image: Lisa Evoluer (Creative Commons BY-NC-ND)

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