What Governments Ban to Protect You!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You Won’t Believe How Your Government is Protecting You!

It was Thomas Paine, in Common Sense pamphlets, that pointed out that government exists to tax our sins. And, that in mind, they can tax more if they simply manufacture more sins. Thus, we are on a constant downward spiral of unending and ludicrous taxes and bans and other government actions.

The latest government ban, as many people know, comes from Oakland, where they are trying to ban hammers and other tools.

The idea of the government doing anything right, of course, is ludicrous, and this latest ban proves that.

Workers are supposed to pound nails in with rocks or boards so that people are safe from protestors. Smart.

Before Oakland, there was (is) New York, with its famous ban against soda pop. New York apparently wanted to save the world from fat people, one soda can at a time.

In Los Angeles they have banned plastic bags. Yikes! Put your groceries in your pockets and head for home.

Books are not free from bans. In this age of first amendment rights we are protected from such insidious works as Huckleberry Finn, Tom Sawyer, and…The Age of Reason. Imagine, we are protected not just from the classics, but the classic work on becoming an enlightened society by Tom Paine.

The United State states government always has the best bans, a proof that the larger the entity the more the stupid. They enacted a ban against Furbies. Furbies are them cute and lovable little dolls that say things. The problem is that the minds at the NSA, who are obsessed with recording every scrap of conversation and minutiae of every individual’s life in the United States and around th world…didn’t understand that Furbie isn’t really learning anything, he is pre-programmed. But the minds at NSA thought he was intelligent and listening and learning and a threat to national security.

Now, that all said, one would think that the bans stop here, right?

Uh uh.

We gots the foreign governments bans on this list! And brother, they are lollapalooza!

China has a couple of wonderful bans. They banned time travel. They don’t want it even talked about because it might upset history. Serious. The Chinese government thinks that time travel is disrespectful to to history…these are the people that rewrote history with there Great Cultural Revolution.

The second great ban on the list is the ban of reincarnation. This is an amazing ban, as it shows how the government thinks there are in charge of the spiritual affairs of man. So, unless you get express approval from the Chinese government, you might just as well forget about that idea of being re-incarnated and picking up where you left off.

That brings us to the best ban of all time, the one that has lusty males from around the world cheering, and dowdy broads sniffing…Australia has banned small breasts in porn!

Well, it’s about time! That’s one time the government finally got it right! Word has it that tourism is up down under.

Have you read The Day the President Killed the United States?

This article presented by The Daily Neutron!