The Prison Built for Terrorists

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. Here is How You Handle Terrorists and Other Serious Criminals!

Actually, I’m not much of one for prisons, they just sort of act like colleges for the criminally insane.

That said, I know there is a class of people we want to put in prison. We don’t want to kill them, for the spirit would just leave the body and come back in another…and we’d have the same criminal on our hands all over again.

No, I am in favor of saner treatment.

Uh, sort of.

There is the real consideration of revenge. After all, to be insane is a decision. So revenge can be a decision, too. Right? Especially if it goes hand in hand with justice and the desire to actually convince criminals to make a decision to be sane.

The ideal prison would be a big, spacious warehouse with poles ten feet apart. The poles would be buried in concrete and totally immovable.

Convicts (terrorists, murder in the first, hackers, politicians, etc.) would be fastened to the poles by a 3 foot chain and a bar from the pole to neck. The chain and bar set up is to keep the prisoner from wrapping his neck and committing suicide, or bashing his head against the bar.

Thus, every bad guy would be limited to a six foot diameter circle of personal space, would be unable to touch, except for maybe the holding of hands, another human being.

Further, there would be a corridor of space between the poles so that a guard could walk down the row and spray the stink off. Must have hygiene, you know.

No visitors allowed.

Waste could be washed off the body and the floor and into strategically placed drains.

Food would be a basic gruel that would change flavor every couple of days. Changing flavor keeps them eating, people will stop eating if you give them the same food every day, even if they are starving.

And, if the terrorist happens to be Muslim, the food would be basic pork.

And there would be no written materials allowed. No religious services.

Let the convicts sit and stew and scream at each other.

We want them to stay alive, for a long time, to consider the error of their ways.

And, one sign on the wall for all to see: ‘Don’t be a criminal next lifetime!’

There you go, pretty mean, eh? But is it cruel and unusual? I don’t think so. You see, it is not torture, it is just the result of one’s own actions.

The only thing we’d have to watch out for is the government making some of these for demented writers and the people who read them.

Want to avoid going to prison? Better head on over to The Daily Neutron!

Have you read about ‘The Day the President Killed the United States?’ Now there’s a guy who should be in one of these prisons!