How to waste time in the digital era

Here at Falling Downs we’ve had a steady stream of our Juniors coming and going over the Christmas holiday. They’re mostly clustered in the Toronto area, and they don’t get up here that often. And while it’s always great to see them, we look forward to some time alone.

Today was the first day me and the Farm Manager had to ourselves. So what do you suppose happened?

We get out the bong and take off our pants?

Nope.

We turn on the TV and fire up the… computers!

We’re out in the sticks but we get satellite TV. As the regular reader will well know, I have major philosophical issues with professional sports.

But I’m not such a closed-minded didactic nutter that I won’t watch a good game when it’s in front of me, and tonight I had an embarrassment of riches.

Caps-Canadiens on one channel.

Hawks-Knicks on another.

And Redskins-Eagles on yet another!

That’s a lot of pro sports to hate all at once, and I have to admit, sometimes I just stop hating and enjoy the show! And of course there are the inevitable topical side-bars to these sports shows. For example, there has been a move afoot for some time now to change the name of the Redskins. That name is apparently offensive to some native Americans.

I can see where it could be. After all, do we have any teams called the Whiteskins? Yellowskins? Blackskins?

On the other hand, it strikes me as an exercise in political correctitude. What, we’re suddenly gonna pretend we were never racist? Get outta here!

I don’t agree with that either. I don’t know what the answer is, but I’m 100% sure that denying our racist history isn’t going to lead us out of the woods.

Be that as it may, while I’m tracking the Caps and Redskins and Knicks, I’m also watching a Rolling Stones concert from 1965 on Youtube!

You have to admit that wasting time has become more efficient than ever before in history!

Unfortunately, the new digital era does not take care of basic bodily functions, and eventually I have to head off for a piss. I pass through the kitchen, where the Farm Manager is watching something on her computer. Since I been on a sports binge I figure it’s probably a good strategy to show some interest in what’s on her screen.

Oh, she’s watching a doc about stomach stapling! Yup, there’s a doctor somewhere who won’t do a stomach stapling surgery unless Fatso drops 50 pounds in the month before surgery.

Because he’s not gonna waste his time and the insurance company’s money doing a staple job on the tummy of some shmuck who is just gonna keep eating like a pig.

Tough love for Fatso, I guess.

Now, I didn’t come up with the Big Ass Chair concept out of thin air. (google it)

I know a couple of kids under 20 who are in the 350-400 pound range.

The doctor in that doc has a prejudice; he’s not going to fulfill his Hippocratic Oath for folks he deems too fat.

But William “The Refrigerator” Perry was drafted first round by the Chicago Bears when he was in that range.

Gotta say I’m with the big folks on this one. Mr. Fussy-pants doctor needs to get over himself and just do the best he can for every patient, without judging them.