Buried deep inside every pensioner is a 16 yo wondering what the f@ck happened

Remember when you were 16?

Remember all the shit you were gonna do before you were 30?

You’d be a millionaire by then, for sure. Maybe even working on your second million. Remember, a million used to mean something back in the day.

Now, any schmuck who bought a house in Toronto thirty years ago, and paid it off, is a millionaire.

By the time you were thirty, you’d not only be a millionaire, you’d be living with the hottest chick in your high school. You’d have a couple of genius kids who modelled in their spare time. You’d have a Cadillac and a Corvette in the garage, and a nice four-wheel-drive truck to tow your bass boat to the boat ramp.

Of course, by the time you were thirty, you’d no doubt have a waterfront summer place with a boathouse, so that boat trailer would be redundant…

Well, by now you know how all that turned out.

You’re a pensioner now, still working on that first million. The kids’ modelling days are well behind them. By the time you were done paying alimony and child support to your high school hottie you were well into middle age, and so was she…

The new Corvette is a bargain at $70k. Unfortunately, at this stage of life, even if I were able to shoe-horn myself into one, I’d never be able to get out.