Progress marches on: soft-close toilet seats

Until this week, I had no idea there was such a thing as a soft-close toilet seat. Now I’m proud to say I own one! Perhaps I shouldn’t be so boastful. Maybe they’ve been around for 20 years, and I’m not the early adapter I think. In my world, toilet seats were affixed with a couple of bolts. It was an exquisitely simple and elegant solution. The lid could be moved up or down according to the needs or preferences of the person doing their business. Problem was, when you dropped the seat, gravity took over, causing a jarring noise completely incompatible with a proper bathroom zen experience. Hence, the soft-close toilet seat. Alas, whilst installing this technical marvel, I couldn’t help but notice that 2 bolts have been replaced by a “soft-close hinge” which has at least two dozen parts. Little bitty parts mostly made of plastic with some wee springs in there as well. What could go wrong? I suppose the good news is gravity will still be available when those itty-bitty springs lose their spring. The bad news? A society that invests money and brain-power on innovations such as the soft-close toilet seat, while its education and health-care systems are on the verge of collapse, is a society that has its priorities askew.