America’s lack of commitment: living life one cell phone upgrade at a time

Americans were once known for our dynamite work ethic. Now we’re known for our first-class lack of commitment.

We jump from job to job. We skip out on our mortgages and homes. We don’t vote. We  have 2 1/2 children. We check more than one box in the race (and sometimes gender) category on job applications. We can’t get a clear answer to who is actually running our country (celebrities or politicians?). Our divorce rate speaks for itself.

What’s with this lack of decisiveness? Lack of commitment and responsibility? Lack of American pride?

I view the cell phone industry as the problem. Because that makes sense—why don’t you just blame a family of goats in Argentina? Think about it. Think about the control and power your cell phone provider has over your life. (I really hope your life is not controlled to such an extent by goats.)

We live our lives stringently, one phone upgrade at a time. We wait in nervous anticipation for that day to come. We can’t plan our lives otherwise. “Sorry ma, not sure about Thanksgiving this year. Have to see where I stand in my upgrade.” We live and breathe that upgrade. We talk about it like we talk about anything else in life. “Well, mine’s comin’ up in Juuu-ly. I ain’t takin’ no time off ’till then. I sure can’t wait for it. Kids been lookin’ forward to it all year.“

Then the time comes. The excitement is almost more than we can bear. We’ve been thinking about this day over and over in our minds for the past two years. What’s it going to be like? Who am I going to talk to? No, I don’t want to hear about my options! Yes, I am sure this is what I want!! Come on. We’ve only been obsessing over it for the last two years.

And finally…

We make the upgrade. We sigh in relief and allow the weight of the world to be lifted from our shoulders.

[Let us pause for a moment of happiness.]

But……. the upgrade high only lasts briefly. We come down and feel overwhelming disappointment. Every day over the next two years is filled with anxiety and worry. Will I be able to talk someone into upgrading me earlier? Am I going to have to enlist and/or deploy to get an earlier upgrade? Is this POS cell phone really going to make it two years?

We feel trapped and alone. It’s a scary thing. Two years is a long time to be committed to any one thing. This control the cell phone industry has on our lives is our reason for a lack of commitment anywhere else. We can’t handle any more commitment or responsibility.

It’s just too much.

This tenacious lack of commitment caused by the cell phone industry in America today is largley the reason we

• lease cars
• have a Walgreens/Burger King/Speedway directly across the street from a Rite Aid/McDonald’s/BP
• keep cutting out and going back to neon-colored anything
• teach our children to write in cursive and print in kindergarden
• won’t pay for Showtime unless blood spatter is in season
• have hotel pools 10 feet from the ocean
• switch between Time Warner Cable and Direct TV every 2–3 months
• go to Vegas

I also suspect it’s the reason I can’t get Junior to sit still for 10 seconds while I change his diaper. Or Mr. J to sit still for 5 seconds while I tell him about my day. Or why the President can’t commit to going Hiroshima and Nagasaki on all those terrorist asses out there.

“[Hesitation] I don’t know; hold on. ‘SHELL!!!! WHERE DO I STAND IN MY UPGRADE??“

Truman didn’t have this problem. Nor did he have a cell phone.

Images in this blog courtesy of Free Digital Photos.

All Things Unlearned chronicles my journey in unlearning everything I already thought I knew through my experiences as a wife, a mother, and an American through funny, overly-opinionated, witty, sometimes offensive, and yet always entertaining banter. Come be amused. http://allthingsunlearned.wordpress.com.

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