The Weirdest (And Dumbest) Lawsuits in History

About 90% of lawsuits never see a day in court. Most claims get settled out of court or rejected, but even the most frivolous cases might slip through. The courts see all types of weird claims, but some of them sound like bad standup.

You’ve got people suing based on their own inability to read, do math, or function like a normal adult. Heck, I’m sure in some of these cases, even small children would laugh at the idiocy. With so many examples to pick from, we had trouble choosing our favorite, dumbest lawsuits.

Cheers to all the lawyers that had to deal with these goofs. We hope the pay was worth it.

How Scary is Too Scary?

One night a woman visited Universal Studios for some spooky fun. For those who have never seen the ads, every year Universal Studios hosts Halloween Horror Nights. It’s a glorified haunted house of epic proportions.

As with any haunted house, the goal is to go there and get scared by creeps, murderers, and gore. Well, that apparently didn’t register with this woman, because her and her granddaughter got scared to death. Nobody got hurt, but their run-in with a Leatherface actor was enough to warrant a lawsuit.

The woman asked for $15,000 in emotional damages, i.e. nightmares. The judge told her to purchase a nightlight instead and tossed out the case.

God, D*** Him!

This is a case against the Creator himself, God. A Nebraskan State Senator felt compelled (not by the Lord) to file suit against God for all the natural disasters he has caused. He proclaims that God is “directly and proximately causing, inter alia, fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plague.” 

It doesn’t stop there because, like any other relationship marred with violence, he filed for a cease and desist against God. It’s probably best for both of them to go their separate ways. No, the Senator wasn’t completely tanked when he filed this lawsuit+C&D.

This was all an act of protest agaist local laws that were made to curb the amount of frivolous lawsuits they received. Don’t worry, Senator, I’m sure someone likes your brand of humor.

Jack Ass

Who knew that Jackass would reach the level of fame it did in the 90s? A man by the name of Jack Ass couldn’t believe it. That’s why he sued Viacom, owner of MTV, for the blight it has put on his life.

This Jack Ass sued for the amount of 10 million dollars. His case was built off his altruistic decision to change his name to raise awareness about alcoholism. The brilliant campaign slogan he chose was “Don’t be a dumb ass, be a smart ass.”

His own name isn’t even included in the slogan? One of the weirdest advertisements of all time.

I Wanna Be Like Mike

What kid growing up doesn’t want to be like Michael Jordan? Well, Allen Heckard sure didn’t. This pathetic excuse for a man sued Jordan because he “stole his likeness.” Was Mr. Heckard a bitter basketball rival? Someone who looked just like him? 

No, Allen is a nobody whose only similar features are that he’s also dark skinned and has a bald head. I guess that was enough for him to calculate that MJ owes him $416 million for being born with actual talent. Oh, he also sued Nike, too.

The kicker here is that Allen Heckerd’s suit was based on his experiences of being mistaken for his Airness. He claimed he suffered defamation, emotional pain, and suffering. Who is going to believe that looking like the G.O.A.T. would be a bad thing?

He went to court without a lawyer–he basically paid his way to infamy. You should learn more about personal injury cases before attempting at home.

Ultimately, he had to drop his case after Nike stopped laughing at the absurdity.

RIAA R.I.P.

The RIAA has earned its reputation over the years for being an unrelenting entity on a crusade to protect industry profits. Not specifically artists, they usually get the shaft no matter what. No, the RIAA spends untold millions trying to send the message to the masses: pirating is crime.

From Napster to Torrenting, the RIAA has put the squeeze on both large distributors and grandchildren alike. No one is safe, not even the dead. In 2005, the RIAA sent the late Gertrude Walton a letter claiming she illegally shared over 700 songs online.

Her granddaughter replied by sharing the death certificate with the RIAA. No rest for the wicked, I guess.

Child’s Play

Aunt Jennifer Connell showed up to her newphew’s birthday party. He just turned eight and was so excited to see her that he jumped into her arms. She wasn’t ready, apparently, and suffered a fall and a broken wrist as a result.

What does Auntie Jen do? She sues the lil boy for $127,000. Welcome to the real world little guy. This woman isn’t complete deranged, however. It turns out that this is the dumbest lawsuit thanks to how the insurance and the health care system avoids providing care.

You see, they charged her a six-figure bill for a pretty common injury. The only choice auntie had was to go after the boy in order to satisfy the sadistic requests of the homeowner’s insurance. Well, at least junior will already have a taste of what it’s like to get dragged to court without having a say in the matter.

Dumbest Lawsuits and Weird Behavior

This world of law has countless examples of the dumbest lawsuits beyond imagination. The human species is kind of screwed because of our own egos and depraved behavior. The good news is that the ride to our fiery inferno is paved in hilarious and entertaining stories like these.

If you want more funny stories and weird news, head over to Weirdomatic for your daily dose. Laugh, cry, and laugh-cry your way through the mountain of comedy gold, Jerry. Gold.

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