Read the story here. Advertise at Before It's News here.
Profile image
Story Views
Last hour:
Last 24 hours:

Putin Recruits Steven Seagal to Fight Anunnaki Invaders

% of readers think this story is Fact. Add your two cents.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has found a new ally to help wage war on the invasive Anunnaki—American actor and martial arts champion Steven Seagal.

The action-movie star last Friday attended a Russian Assembly meeting at which Putin tried to fill vacant ministry seats with politicians sympathetic to his unending battle against the meddlesome extraterrestrials.

Seagal and Putin have maintained a close friendship since 2013, when Seagal’s vainly named blues band, Steve’N’Seagulls, performed at a Moscow event in Putin’s honor.  He praised Putin’s style of governance, while bashing then-President Obama for appointing “Czars” to “help destroy America” and undermine the foundation of the Constitution. Seagal and Putin have bonded over their mutual distaste for how Moscow is regarded in the West, and their mutual love of martial arts. In 2016, Putin granted him Russian citizenship, and the aikido whiz has since spent his days travelling between the U.S. and Russia.

Years earlier, Putin applauded Seagal’s movie career and namedropped Under Siege, a critically slammed action flick in which Seagal dispatches an army of international terrorists who commandeer a U.S. battleship, as his personal favorite, though he admitted to celebrating Seagal’s entire catalog of films.

Putin asked Seagal if the martial prowess and firearms acumen depicted in motion pictures translated to real world experience; whether his formidability in films was a facade or a true reflection of his physical ability.

Seagal boasted he had never lost a fight and told Putin that martial arts masters Jean Claude Van damme and Chuck Norris declined an open invitation to fight him because they were “pussies” who fought only choreographed fights. Seagal, who speaks fluent Russian, also said he challenged Obama to a basketball match, but the American president refused because “he is a cowardly piece of oxygen-wasting pond scum who should have never been born.”

“It sounds crazy, but Putin, who had previously told Steven about the Anunnaki, asked him if [he] wanted an advisory role in designing tactics to defeat the heinous aliens. Maybe Putin did this out of friendship, or maybe he actually thinks Steven can help turn the tide of war. Whatever the reason, he asked him, and Seagal said he’d accept on one condition,” our source said.

That condition, our source added, was that Seagal be allowed to see and fight a captured Anunnaki in a hand-to-hand battle to the death. Three such creatures exist, imprisoned at Russia’s Metzgoya Extraterrestrial Research Outpost in the Ural Mountains.  No human has survived hand-to-hand combat against an Anunnaki. They stand three meters tall, have three-inch-long retractable talons, and are protected by an exoskeletal carapace that repels small arms fire.

Seagal, on the other hand, has gained excessive weight and at 67 years old is a bit past his prime. His earthly bravado may falter and be replaced with relentless diffidence once he locks eyes with his Anunnaki opponent. Our source said Putin cautioned him against fighting the detestable creature, as he did not want to lose a friend and feared, rationally, that Seagal’s hubris would not survive a creature known to eviscerate and disembowel opponents within mere seconds.

Putin said he would consider the request and decide within two weeks.

If Seagal mysteriously vanishes from the face of the Earth within the next few weeks, alas, we will know what horrible fate befell him.


Before It’s News® is a community of individuals who report on what’s going on around them, from all around the world.

Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.

"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.

Lion’s Mane Mushroom Nootropic

Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, But it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.

Our Formula includes: Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity.

Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins.

Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system.

Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome.

Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function.

Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules Today. Be 100% Satisfied or Receive a Full Money Back Guarantee. Order Yours Today by Following This Link.

Report abuse


    Your Comments
    Question   Razz  Sad   Evil  Exclaim  Smile  Redface  Biggrin  Surprised  Eek   Confused   Cool  LOL   Mad   Twisted  Rolleyes   Wink  Idea  Arrow  Neutral  Cry   Mr. Green

    Total 8 comments
    • Anonymous

      I’d choose William Shatner instead. After all, he already took the Gorn.

    • Khal

      Who gives a BS!!

      As the US (was the uSA) is going down the tube, most sheeple care about is diversion CRAP.

      Your all a bunch of turkeys with your heads cut off running around in different directions, all led by pied piped sheeple who post about just 99% of Bullshit on this site!!!!

    • Anonymous

      Where is Chuck F. Norris? He could do it.

    • No time

      Can’t wait for the Movie version. Lol.😂😂😂

    • Justin Case

      Dude, you should move to Hollywood and write scripts for Seagal movies….

    • 2QIK4U

      Great! Now I know it’s all Fake BS. Segal’s nothing but another Out of Work D Grade actor Who’s Diet is the only thing that would kick anyone’s Ass. Useless Hollylard Actor = D Grade bounty hunter midnight Cable star… L O L !

    • GuitarLots

      What about Steve Quayle, he will kick the crap out of those fallen angels

    • AJ

      I can’t believe I actually read this…….Enough…(:

    Load more ...




    Email this story
    Email this story

    If you really want to ban this commenter, please write down the reason:

    If you really want to disable all recommended stories, click on OK button. After that, you will be redirect to your options page.