Man Drinks Bleach to Cure Coronavirus and Drops Dead

A forty-six-year-old New York man battling Covid-19 decided President Trump knew more about medicine than his own doctor. Following the president’s suggestion that ingesting or injecting disinfectants might kill the virus, John Dougmore of Island Park, NY, guzzled a gallon of Clorox bleach and dropped dead minutes before paramedics reached his home.

A spokesperson for the Nassau County Police Department said Dougmore’s wife discovered him laying prostrate on the bathroom floor. His lips had turned blue, and he was quivering like a frightened animal. A paramedic asking to be quoted anonymously said at the time of death Mr. Dougmore was wearing a MAGA hat and a tee-shirt with a slogan that praised Trump’s pandemic response efforts.

“When we arrived, Mr. Dougmore was non-responsive. An empty bottle of disinfectant was found near him. He had one of those Trump hats on a shirt that obviously signified his love for the president. This is the first case I’m aware of where someone took the president’s bleach drinking recommendation at face value,” the Nassau County paramedic told us.

At Wednesday afternoon’s coronavirus press briefing, President Trump, who has no medical training, announced that exposure to “tremendous” amounts of ultraviolet light or consuming disinfectants might eradicate the virus.

“I see the disinfectant that knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleansing? Because you see it gets inside the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that,” Trump said.

At once a phalanx of criticism and memes inundated social media, with many posters pointing out that Trump’s quackery could get someone killed. Hospitals and medical providers promptly updated their websites, urging patients to ignore Trump’s dangerous medical musings.  Reckitt Benckiser, the maker of disinfectants Lysol and Dettol, swiftly released a statement that its products cannot be injected or ingested to combat coronavirus, a move to stem potential litigation.

But for John Dougmore it was too late.

In a statement to police, Dougmore’s wife said her husband had tested positive for covid-19 on April 6 but had experienced only moderate symptoms—mild fever, coughing, and headaches. But when Trump touted a new miracle cure, her husband could not wait to try it, she said.

Mrs. Dougmore told police that both she and her husband were lifelong Trump fans whose every decision hinged on the president’s enigmatic presence at daily briefings.

“John believed everything Trump said, and why shouldn’t he. He made America great again,” she said, according to the county police report.

She said she will not file a wrongful death lawsuit because she still hopes Trump is victorious in 2020.