Sealed Indictments Vanish from Trump Safehouse

Five thousand sealed indictments have gone missing from a fortified safehouse where Trump and his loyalists have been planning a return to power, according to a Washington insider who once worked as a liaison between Trump and intelligence officials at the NSA.

In the aftermath of a crooked election and an unceremonious ejection from the Oval Office, Trump at once began erecting a network of safehouses from where he could plot Biden’s demise without Deep State interference. Two safehouses are in Virginia, two in Maryland, and one, a billiards hall that Trump converted into a high-tech command center, in Mar-a-Lago. He stashed a whopping 50,000 sealed indictments among the safehouses, 5,000 at a hardened facility a few miles from Charlottesville, Virginia.

A twelve-foot-high perimeter fence protected the Virginia War Room, and armed sentries, courtesy of Academi, the private security firm once called Blackwater, patrolled the exterior twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, with standing orders to “shoot on sight” unauthorized persons trying to breach the fence.

“And the interior is guarded by biometric security, motion sensors, and video cameras. When Trump reviewed the video footage, it was just grainy noise, for about eight minutes at around 2:00 in the morning. That’s when Trump believes the theft happened. Whoever pulled this off, the bastard, must’ve had knowledge of the place. The indictments were stored in a not so easy to find safe,” our source said.

Asked where Trump had placed the safe, our source would not say. He did, however, reveal that it had been “blown open” by a shaped charge. He was clueless as to why Academi mercenaries neither heard nor reacted to what must have been a thunderous boom.

A forensic analysis on the safehouse proved worthless, he added. No fingerprints, no fibers. There was no sign of forced entry to the building, only into the safe.

“Trump won’t say which indictments were stolen. There are 50,000, or possibly many more, stashed at different locations. We thought this place was secure. The only people who know which indictments are at what location are Trump, Don Jr., Sidney Powell, Dan Scavino, and Rudy, and Stephen K. Bannon,” our source said.

Trump, he added, planned to open the sealed indictments after demonstrating that Joe Biden had stolen the election and compelling the Electoral College to once and for all overturn “a fraud election the likes of which no one has ever seen.” Trump assumes the Deep State is behind the theft. If true, one can only guess why Deep State provocateurs perpetrated the elaborate crime, since Trump, once back in power, could easily rewrite the indictments. Our source suggested a possible motive: The Deep State is unaware of who Trump will send to a military tribunal, and has thus begun a systematic attack in hopes of obtaining names on all indictments, wherever Trump hid them. With advance knowledge that they’d soon be a permanent resident at GITMO, they’d have ample opportunity to change their names, get plastic surgery, and abscond to a non-extradition country.

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