I Did It Again!

Theology and Politics from a Conservative, Biblical Perspective

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When will I learn?

Recently an ugly part of my personality rose to the surface affecting others around me. This is one of those things that exists because of the sin nature within me. We all have it and it comes out through our own specific weaknesses. When I feel overly put upon or disrespected, I tend to react in my mind by trying to preserve Self with, “How dare they?” In doing so, I’ve tended to think that firmness or even anger is a sign of strength in showing others that I’ll not be treated the way they think they can treat me. Notice please that this is a direct result of giving place to my resident sin nature. It wins at this point.

During the course of the situation yesterday, I unfortunately escalated the situation itself when I should have let it go and watched it peter out to nothing. That wasn’t good enough for me, though. Nope, I had to ensure that the other individual understood that I would not be belittled or disrespected.

I am 66 and having been a Christian since the age of 13, one would think that this type of asinine sinful behavior on my part would have been more sanded off than it is now. Unfortunately, the truth is that that aspect of my personality controlled by my sin nature (with me willingly going with it at the time), is more glaring to me now than before.

Oh I suppose if I were to really look at things seriously and honestly, I might be able to conclude that I’m doing better now than before. While that may actually be correct, it is still more a part of my character than I like and in fact, is something I loathe.

It reminds me of Paul’s words, “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” in Romans 7:24. Let’s take a quick look at that whole paragraph from Romans 7:21-25.

21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

I’ll get into more of what Paul said above in a minute, but as far as my reaction to a situation yesterday, it was not good because it did not honor Jesus. The pain I caused others and even myself is the difficult part of the whole thing. So, this morning, I spent some time after a sleepless night, trying to make amends. For the most part, it worked out. Why? Because of other people’s graciousness that I myself did not exhibit the way I should have during the situation itself.

So I am left thinking about my personality, my character and my flaws only to realize that while some of my rough spots may have been sanded off by the Holy Spirit, I still have a massive way to go before I complete my “race” as Paul would say, before I am made completely whole and without sin. In fact, that sinless state will not exist for me until after I die.

I always marvel at people (like my wife) who have very steady personalities. I know when my wife is angry (after 38 years of marriage), but she is not the type that demonstrates her anger in ugly words or sarcasm. Sometimes over the years, I’ve only known she was angry when I saw her doing what she calls “gryndling” cleaning (German), which simply means she’s directing all of her energy due to being upset by doing what Germans do – they clean the house with gusto! That negative energy is put to good productive use. My own father (and mother), would throw things, yell or both.

But what is Paul actually telling us in Romans 7? Paul is saying he believed he should be able to obey the Mosaic Law (v 22). That was the intellectual part; in his brain and the way he understood things. However, …morally he found himself in rebellion against what he knew was right. This natural rebelliousness was something he could not rid himself of.” [1]

In Romans 7:24, Paul reveals just how wretched he feels about himself because of the apparent tension created by the law of wanting to do good versus the law of wanting to live in rebellion. I personally believe he was speaking about his condition after he was saved (while I know others think he was talking about prior to being saved).

Dr. Constable comments on this verse by stating, “The agony of this tension and our inability to rid ourselves of our sinful nature that urges us to do things that lead to death come out even more strongly here. What Christian has not felt the guilt and pain of doing things that he or she knows are wrong?” [2]

What Christian cannot relate to that? After yesterday’s situation, I am again reminded of my sin. It’s hurtful and agonizing to know that there are aspects of my personality/character that still need divine surgery. I mentioned to my wife this morning that I wonder when it’ll be rounded off more. Of course, the answer is that it is rounded off as we submit to Him through circumstances like the one from yesterday; because of them, not absent from them.

I do or say something that turns out to be unmercifully stupid and then I suffer the consequences of that but it also harms others. I could have tried to rely on the Spirit instead of simply giving into my own Self for guidance, but once the moment becomes reality, it makes it that much more difficult to rein in the sin nature. It’s been let out and it wants to do some damage.

The problem of course is that when viewed like this, it makes it seem as though it’s not your fault (or mine), but it’s the result of these two “laws” that war against one another (v 23). That’s really not true and it’s not what Paul is saying. The reality is that is is my fault because it stems from my own failure and sin nature resident within me. I cannot skirt that responsibility and again, this is not what Paul is trying to imply (that it’s not my fault or “the devil made me do it!”). It is my fault because I sinned and that holds me responsible before the Lord.

This innate rebelliousness that all Christians have to some extent or another, was something that Paul could not get rid of within himself either. It is resident, with layers upon layers of sinfulness seeking its own way. This is the constant tension caused by our own inner sin nature and the impact God has on us through the new life within us led by the Holy Spirit.

Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of this section of Scripture is apropos. He said, “I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me?”

It seems the more we try to not sin, the more we do sin. I’ve seen this work in more innocuous things in life. For instance, I’ve gotten to the point where I wanted to simply be off sugar and sugar products. So I’ve tried and wouldn’t you know it? All I could think about was having sugar when I was trying to avoid it! It’s the most frustrating thing in the world for me because I can crave sugar any day or time. It’s always been my comfort food in spite of how bad it can be for me. There was a time when I would down a dozen Oreo cookies before dinner and then have a sugary dessert after dinner!

My thinking and focus had to be replaced with something else, but what? In my case, it turned out to be the weight scale. I noticed that when I stopped with the sugar, I began losing weight. As I continued avoiding sugar, I continued losing weight. The scale would measure lost weight in increments of tenths, so every time I got on the scale, I had lost .4 to .6 pounds. So the focus changed from craving sugar to craving lower numbers on the scale. All of a sudden it became easier because there was a different goal and reward to focus on. Eliminating sugar created a struggle in me daily because I was always thinking about and craving sugary treats. But by replacing the sugar craving with a weight loss craving with visible results on the scale, the problem for me was solved.

What I think Paul is saying in the text is that instead of simply trying hard not to sin, we should instead focus on the One who gives us victory over sin. We move our focus from our sin to our Victor and Paul goes into this more deeply in Romans 8.

Paul is ultimately talking about what is called progressive sanctification; “…progressive sanctification does not come by obeying laws, a form of legalism called nomism, but apart from the law. It also proves that doing right requires more than just determining to do it.” [3]

The humbling that can come from situations that occur in life, stemming from our own resident sin nature, can be healing and uplifting. The Holy Spirit moves us to see our error, agree that it is error caused by sin, and then embrace the solution, which is always more of Him; less of me.

Ultimately, what the Holy Spirit is doing is changing our focus. Yesterday, my focus was trying not to get huffy while asserting my Self. I failed and became huffy and self-centered. My focus should have been on something else entirely; Jesus and the freedom He has purchased for me to live freely in accordance with His Word.

This isn’t over. There is more to this but I believe it deeply involves having a correct focus. Just like focusing on sugar makes me crave sugar, focusing on losing weight by not consuming sugary treats causes me to lose weight.

Regarding the flaws in my personality/character, by focusing on simply trying to not express certain things, I end up expressing those very things I don’t want to express. Instead, by focusing on Him, His character, His love and acceptance of people and His disregard for Self, I should be able to move in that direction and away from the things my sin nature wants me to do. Does this make sense? I’m still fleshing it out so if not, I may have more on this upcoming.

In the meantime, may the Lord open your eyes (and mine) to see how blessed we are in Him and may we pass that blessing along to others who do not know Him in how we live and operate in this world.

[1] Dr. Thomas Constable’s Notes on Romans

[2] Ibid

[3] Ibid

Theology and Politics from a Conservative, Biblical Perspective