two miles wide.....

‘things that matter’ seems to be some sort of theme drilled into my brain right now.
then this morning i got the nudge to ‘really look’ around me,
and i wanted to be sure to notice the things that mattered.
i wanted to really really see today.

maybe i was pickin’ the wrong day.
i wondered how i’d do at the dentist office.
seeing may not come that easily.
i was nervous. and because of that, i figured it wasn’t gonna be where i was most aware.
and yet………maybe it was.

maybe that nervousness got me started in paying attention and appreciating.
as soon as i got in that dentist chair, i noticed the screen with the relaxing photos.
beautiful places anyone would want to be.
i was grateful for that right away. i could get lost in the pictures, in those places.
it works much better for me than some kinda tv runnin’.

at one point, alone in the room, looking at the terracotta cavern,
i noticed how lonely the place was. of course they can’t put people in the photo.
that’d ruin the whole idea of the thing. i understood that.
but it popped into my head that the place would mean nothing to me without
someone i loved there as well.

i smiled. ‘ah, the things that matter.’

the dentist and hygienist could not have been nicer. his gentle demeanor calming
me right down. as the noises whirred and did their drilly kinda thing, i thought
about the days of my sons workin’ on cars. there were times it sounded like this!
i thought about how we’re like these big amazing machines, only better -
only way better.
and then these talented body mechanics workin’ on us -
and all the stuff that makes it so much more than that -
well, it all wowed me right on the spot.

but before i could get carried away with that thought, some kinda weird icky
teeth drilling, tooth powdery ughy smell hit my nose.

i knew that if i was gonna have a hard time, it was right then.
time to kick in some calming stuff of my own.

so with eyes closed, i pictured each one of my guys. one at a time.

there’s this side view of my guy’s face that i love.
one reason i like it is i’m usually curled in right next to him when i see it.
it’s when he smiles and his eyes crinkle in a certain way.
it’s one of my favorites.
i pictured it and felt the feeling it always gives me.

and then one of my sons gets the most gentle look in his blue eyes
and he looks like love.
i could see that.
so deep and real.

i pictured another son, sitting across the table grinning at me.
twinkling.
i love the way he twinkles.

 face to face i went.

 and i could hear going thru my mind – ‘these are the things that matter.’

when talking family stuff with the doc, i was really struck with how lucky we were to
have the gift of watching our kids grow into people we were proud of. people who
had their hearts leak out into what they did.

there’s nothing as wonderful as raising kids with hearts that can’t be hidden
and then watching those hearts shine.

turns out the dentist office was a pretty darn good place to see the stuff that mattered.
driving home, my face felt like it was about two miles wide.
but so did my smile.