The Ultimate Guide for Giving and Receiving Feedback

• Before opening the critique, let the critter know you received it, and that you are looking forward to reading it as soon as you have a chance. This lets them know that it didn’t get lost in cyberspace, and that you have not yet read it, which gives you some time to process the critique without them wondering why you haven’t said anything about it to them.
• Before you read the critique, remind yourself that the reason you asked for feedback was to make the story stronger. Set the expectation that you will have work to do, and ultimately the story benefits. Steel your emotions for what is ahead.
• Read through the critique once. Try your best to not let anger, disappointment or even excitement cloud your read. Then, set it aside and turn your attention to something else. Use this time to go through any hurt feelings this critique caused, and deal with any emotional responses (self-doubt, frustration, even elation). Good or bad, you need to clear emotion from the picture to be able to best utilize this feedback, even if your gut instinct is to disagree with it.
• When you are ready, go through the critique again, this time, free of emotion. Look at each suggestion objectively and make notes to yourself. If there are suggestions that make you angry or defensive, pay special attention. Often when a comment hits close to home it indicates that something requires more thought. Challenge yourself to see the situation or scene as they did. Do you understand how they arrived at a specific conclusion? Is information missing that would help them view the situation/scene as you intended? This may lead you to realize something needs strengthening. Or, through the act of poking and prodding, you reaffirm your belief that it works as is, and you can dismiss this suggestion. (However, pay special attention when multiple partners highlight the same issue…even if you believe it is good enough, chances are strengthening is needed.)
• **Respect the Critique Partner’s time and effort. This person likely just spent several hours working on your submission, and regardless if you agree with the feedback or not, you should send a follow up email thanking them for the critique, highlighting how it gave you better insight into you story and characters. If you have questions about the feedback, ask! This is your opportunity for more helpful discussion and ideas on how to make your book better. Do not get angry. Let me repeat that: do NOT get angry. Take the high road, even if you found nothing helpful. Show appreciation for their time, and in the future, find another partner.

**This last point is very important to nurture a critique relationship.

This person chose to help you, taking time away from their own writing. As someone who often spends hours on a critique, there is nothing more frustrating to me than when a writer does not acknowledge my work. I’m not looking for flowery pats on the head, simply to know the feedback was helpful in some form. Anyone who has given their time is worthy of your appreciation, regardless of whether you agree with their suggestions or not.  Be gracious when feedback rolls in.

Consider Offering Feedback in Return

Critiquing is about give and take, so if someone has kindly given time to help you, offering to look at something in return is the right thing to do.

Do you have any tips to add? Have you found critiquing helpful, or do you avoid it like the dentist’s chair?