Advice to My Son 10: How to Be a Man

The essence of masculinity can be summed up in three words that form a triangle: courage, leadership, and responsibility.

The true man does not need to be physically strong, but he needs to stand up for what he believes. He does not have to control armies or nations, but he must be able and willing to make difficult decisions. He may not be a celebrity, but he must lead by example. Above all, though he will often feel fear, he must never abandon his post.

There are many men in this world who want to exercise power without taking responsibility. Do not be like them. You be the one who puts his neck on the line for a good cause, and who does not shirk from accepting the consequences of his decisions. Don’t worry about titles and the petty politics of power; show courage, leadership, and responsibility and others will look up to you and respect you. One man can make a difference.

Still, these three qualities alone will not suffice. The triangle must have at its center a total dependence upon and submission to God. Because he knows how to bow his head to God, the true man has the backbone and the self-confidence not to bow his head to those whose authority is misused or illegitimate.

The true man must continually search himself and admit when he is wrong, but he must never use his mistakes as an excuse for abdicating responsibility. Humility is not humiliation; meekness is not weakness. Indeed, you must show the world that goodness and humility are strong virtues that empower and exalt the man who practices them.

Your generation is going to see a major crisis of male leadership. Across the western world, boys have been discouraged from acting like boys and have been beaten into a gender-neutral submission that violates their God-given calling to lead. You must commit yourself now to being a spiritual leader for your family, your community, and your friends. You will do this by not conforming to the things of the world but being transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Don’t be afraid to love God in an emotional, passionate way, but be ready to let that love take on action. Be a Christian knight who is brave and pure, strong and courteous, able to conquer the enemy within and without. Show active kindness that is both forceful and gentle. Be willing to fight for the truth, yet at the same time to be persecuted for the truth.

Do that, my son, and you will be a man to be reckoned with.