ADVICE TO MY SON 17: THE FOES OF FRIENDSHIP II

In the previous entry, my son, I warned you to resist the modern American notion that two men who are physically, emotionally, and spiritually intimate must be closet homosexuals. This false notion has arisen as a result of the normalization of homosexual behavior that has increasingly seized control of our schools, universities, media, government, and churches since the 1960’s.

Alas, this internal attack on male friendship is not the only modern force committed to driving a wedge between groups of male friends. The twentieth century has given birth to totalitarian governments from the right and left that have felt threatened by any and all “bands of brothers” that would set themselves apart from the rest of society.

Particularly in communist countries, exclusive friendships which encouraged men to hold themselves to standards that differed from the party line were systematically hunted down and eliminated. Such friendships were attacked as bourgeois or aristocratic or antisocial. Those who belonged to them were often sent to reeducation camps, so they could be restored to the “healthy,” non-elitist ranks of the proletariat.

I wish I could say that this groupthink attitude only existed in the former Soviet Union or in Maoist China. Sadly, it is alive and well in democratic America. The greatest danger inherent to all democracies is that of envy: the desire to pull everyone down to one’s own level.

Herodotus tells a story of a successful tyrant who gives advice to a would-be-tyrant on how to prevent the people from rising up and overthrowing him. As they walk through a field of wheat together, the tyrant systematically clips off the top of every stalk that rises above the others. “Simply eliminate all people (or groups of people) who stand out from the crowd,” he explains, “and there will be no courageous free-thinkers who can lead the people to revolution. Make everyone the same, and you can herd them like sheep.”

In “Screwtape Proposes a Toast,” C. S. Lewis has his expert tempter, senior devil Screwtape, explain to the Tempter’s Training College of hell that in modern democracies, there is no need for a tyrant to cut off the tall stalks of wheat. The short stalks will bite off the heads of the tall ones lest they be made to feel inferior; indeed, in many cases, the tall ones will bite of their own heads lest they face the guilt and discomfort of standing out from the crowd.

Over the years, you’ve met and befriended many homeschoolers. Ask them how many times their parents have been accused, politely of course, of preventing their children from being socialized. That’s a pretty word, “socialized,” and oh so democratic, but it often masks a rather vicious desire to tear the heads off any stalk that would dare to rise its head above the mass.

I’ve always encouraged you, my son, to reach out to people of all races, classes, and cultural backgrounds. But don’t let this good aspect of democracy discourage you from forming tight, exclusive friendship that call their members to live up to a higher code. Don’t aspire to be like everyone else; aspire for something higher, and let your friends help you achieve that higher call.