ADVICE TO MY SON 30: BE A MAN OF YOUR WORD

Be a man of your word. Now there’s a phrase you don’t hear very often these days. There was a time when most good fathers would lay that injunction on their sons with an almost sacred tone of high seriousness. Today, that injunction, if it is given at all, is more often reduced to “follow the rules” or “protect your reputation” or “watch your back” or, worst of all, “don’t get caught.”

On the simplest level, a man of his word is a man who does not tell lies himself or perpetuate the falsehoods of others. Honesty is the best policy, as Ben Franklin liked to say. But such a policy, though commendable in itself, is not enough. Too often it expresses nothing more than a utilitarian view of human interaction. Tell the truth to others, and they will tell the truth to you. Lie to others, and you risk being lied to in return. Not do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but better treat people nicely or they will be mean to you when they get the chance.

Again, there is nothing wrong with this in and of itself. It is a wise course not to torture prisoners, for someday the situation may be reversed and you may be in the prison yourself. Society would be better if people applied this pragmatic rule. There would certainly be less recessions and fluctuations in the market if businessmen and accountants and investment bankers held themselves to a high standard of honesty.

Still, being a man of your word means far more than telling the truth as a matter of sound policy. It means forging a deep link between the words that come out of your mouth and your inner character. A man of his word speaks the truth, not because he fears negative repercussions or even because lying is wrong per se, but because he is a man of truth. To say that your word is your bond is to say that your word is an expression of yourself; it shows that you have learned what David learned the hard way: that God “desirest truth in the inward parts” (Psalm 51:6).

Just as there was a time when most good fathers enjoined their sons to be men of their word, so there was a time when those same fathers, before sending their sons out into the world, told them, in no uncertain terms, that they must do nothing to bring dishonor upon their name.

As you know, my son, when a Christian prays for something “in Jesus’ name,” he prays for it in accordance with Christ’s character—for in the culture of the New Testament, a person’s name was an expression of his character. That is why when young Bill Raca does something shameful, he brings shame not only on himself but on all those who bear the name of Raca.

A man of his word knows that when he lies, he both dishonors himself and the family whose name he holds in trust. He does not separate the words of his mouth from either the content of his character or the sanctity of his name. Truth does not reside in one part of his nature, isolated from the rest. He is honest through and through.

Be such a man, my son, that Christ can say of you what he said of Nathaniel: “Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!” (John 1:47).