Florida Man Wants To Open A Meeting With Satanic Prayer

By Joseph DeCaro, Worthy News Correspondent

DEERFIELD, FLORIDA (Worthy News)– A man who convinced Florida Governor Rick Scott to permit an eight foot “Festivus” pole of beer cans to be placed next to a Deerfield Beach nativity crèche last December has informed the New Times that he has converted from “Pabstfestidian” because Satan is cool, according to the Daily Kos.

“Think of all the people he’s in charge of,” said Chaz Stevens. “Do you want to be stuck listening to harp music in the afterlife? Hell no. I want to drink beer and hang with hookers.”

“I just want equal billing,” pleaded Stevens, who sounded like a satanic Boris Badenov after the cartoon character complained that the “Rocky and Bullwinkle Show” was unfair to Local 12 — a union that represented “Villains, Thieves and Scoundrels” — because mouse and squirrel got top billing, but Boris didn’t because TV villains never get top billing.

Now, in a similar vein, Stevens sent a tongue-in-cheek letter to the City of Deerfield Beach.

“With the recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling allowing ‘prayer before Commission meetings’ and seeking the rights granted to others, I hereby am requesting I be allowed to open a Commission meeting praying for my God, my divine spirit, my Dude in Charge. Be advised, I am a Satanist.”

Also be advised that an online poster claiming to be Stevens told Zenbassoon that the whole point of his latest “exercise” was to “start an intelligent conversation about the need to solidify, to enhance, to protect our long standing tradition of keeping religion out of government.”

“This gag has now worked twice,” posted Stevens.

But how many times will Deerfield Beach continue to fall for it?