12 Crazy Conspiracy Theories of 2017

New World Order. JFK and 9/11. Most conspiracy theories are so, well, 2016.The best conspiracy theories can be found by anyone looking to search and maintain just a bit of credulity. Nothing you’ve seen on television, seen in the sky at night or walked on in daylight can match the most incredible conspiracy theories of 2017.

The Hadron Collider Is an Alarm Clock for an Egyptian God

Instead of a multi-national co-op to expand scientific knowledge of atomic particles, the Hadron Collider is a multi-dimensional portal to wake Osiris, the Egyptian god of death.

Moon Doesn’t Exist

The moon doesn’t exist. What you see each night is a hologram. Serial conspiracy theorist David Icke’s theory has thousands of YouTubers looking for it.

Jay Z is a Time-Traveler

Jay Z is part of the Illuminati — and a time traveler. Jay-Z’s frequent flyer miles were exposed in an image from New York in 1939 which surfaced in 2016. He’s a vampire as well. How do people know? Hollywood celebrities don’t age.

Today Is Four Days In One

Maybe you can handle meeting someone who claims to be “The Wisest Human or “The Greatest Philosopher.” For some, the website which rants about four days happening at once is over the top. Especially when the site owner points out that if you don’t understand it, you’re just too stupid.

Hollow Earth

Dig deep and find the Earth is a hollow sphere with portals at the poles. It’s habitable there and great living quarters exist for the lost Viking colonies and Nazis. Aliens? They’re just visitors from the subterranean.

Dinosaurs And The Pyramids

Pastor Vince Fenech knows dinosaurs existed because they are mentioned in the Biblical Book of Job. “They were used to build the pyramids,” says Fenech, the director of the Accelerated Christian Academy in Malta. Sadly, the academy closed its doors when students failed to enroll. Read up on Fenech, and you’ll find a pyramid has been discovered in the Ukraine which was built in the Jurassic period.

Siri Predicts The Apocalypse

Siri can predict the apocalypse. Just ask, “What day is 27th July, 2014?” The response is “The opening of Hades’ gate.” The date has passed, and no one has noticed. Speak ill of the maligned MS Office paperclip. At least he wasn’t a scaremonger.

Who Murdered Hunter S. Thompson

The theory that someone other than Hunter killed Hunter is a lesser-known one. According to the theory, the author was working on an article about the World Trade Center when he was bumped off by a paid, secret government assassin.

We All Live In The Matrix

No, it’s not a secret plot to rekindle The Matrix box set and boost sales, but it doesn’t look like Keanu Reeves are pushing the theory. The New Yorker’s Tad Friend believes many in Silicone Valley are convinced with the thought we’re all living in a Matrix-like simulation. Some take the obsession further and think the government is secretly engaging scientists to work on getting people free of the simulation.

Clinton Is Dead

Claim to hear an ABC news anchor accidentally say she died in September 2016 and see if you can find a handful of blurry photos available only to the legions of Trump supporters and you have a convincing case a body double lost the election in November.

Michael Jackson Lives

Conspiracy theorists are convinced Clinton is dead, and Michael Jackson lives. For proof, conspiracy theorists point to a photo of Jackson taken by Paris, his daughter. What? Don’t you see him? He’s right there. In the back seat. Stacked under a pile of clothes.

Michael Jackson Was Murdered

If you don’t see him covered up in the back seat then maybe the other theory is correct: Jackson was murdered by the Iranian government. The day Jackson passed, according to some believers, Twitter tore away from the rush of RIP tweets which bumped #IranElection out of the top spot. Iranian protesters were blocked from using the service to organize against President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s messing around with the recent election.