Christian Marriage (7) Bride Gift

A Christian marriage covenant could re-establish a biblical form of the bride gift. In most Asian cultures, a dowry is a payment that a father has to pay to get a man to take one his daughters as wife. This is a perversion of the biblical bride gift, because it devalues women and causes parents in these cultures to prefer sons, because daughters cost them in money.

The biblical model is different. The purpose of a dowry to provide security for the woman who leaves the protection and support of her family to marry into another family. In the scriptures, a man must provide a gift to the father of his prospective bride (Ex 22:16,17). His ability to give a gift proves that he is capable of providing for his wife. For example, Jacob worked seven years to establish that he was worthy to get Rachel as his wife (Gen 29:18). Abraham’s servant gave costly gifts to Rebekah’s brother and mother, before they agreed that she could marry Isaac (Gen 24:52-53).

The father of the bride decides the value of the gift required for the daughter.
Let me find favour in your eyes, and I will give you whatever you ask. Make the price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I’ll pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the girl as my wife (Gen 34:11,12).

Saul required David to kill one hundred Philistines, before he allowed his daughter Michal to become his wife. This demonstrated his ability as a soldier (1 Sam 18: 23-27).

The bride gift is a good test for potential husbands. A man who can give a good gift has proved that he can save money and build up his capital. The gift assures the bride’s parents that he will provide for their daughter and that she will not become dependent on them.

In modern culture, casual attitudes to sex have allowed males to drink the milk without buying the cow, and females have been left holding the baby. A requirement for a bride gift would be a strong counter to these attitudes.

The father does not keep the bride gift for himself, but holds it in trust on behalf of his daughter. He might lend it to the couple to enable them to buy a home or start a business. This ensures that a bride bring some capital to her marriage, even if she and her father are poor. If the bride is widowed or her husband deserts her, the bride price belongs to her. This provides her with continuing economic security while she is caring for their children.

Rachel and Leah were frustrated by their father Laban, because he did not use the bride gift that Jacob had given him for their benefit. They considered that he had stolen their dowry (Gen 31:14-15).

Does he not regard us as foreigners? Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us (Gen 31:15).