Government – Lasting Olympic Legacy Of Sitting On Sofas Watching Sport On TV While Eating Fast Food

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The government’s sports legacy from London 2012 was launched today by the Minister for the Sport and the Olympics, Hugh Robertson, with a pledge to provide £135m of lottery money to encourage people to continue to watch more and more sport on TV while eating and drinking nothing but fast food and fizzy drinks bought from companies which don’t pay any taxes.

The announcement is part of a government effort to continue the Olympics spirit of banning all food and drink except for Macdonalds and Coke in the Olympic arenas as well as allowing sponsors and participants not to pay any taxes at all throughout the duration of the games.

Mr Robertson said:

This is the cornerstone of a grassroots legacy from hosting the Olympic and Paralympic Games, because it delivers on the bid pledge of enabling more people of all ages and abilities to sit on their sofas at home watching sports on TV while eating more and more fast food. We will also ensure that large corporations play their part in the legacy by continuing to encourage them to pay as little tax as possible.

Private developers

Mr Robertson also stressed the government’s ambitions to extend the Olympic legacy to the nation’s schools by ensuring as many school fields were sold off to private developers as soon as possible:

By selling off school sports facilities such as playing fields, as well as reducing the amount of teachers available to teach sports, we are certain there will be many more opportunities for state school children to get involved in watching fit and healthy athletes from public schools on their TVs. When people talk about the legacy of the Games, we want them to talk about the real champions – MacDonald’s and Coca Cola – and then we want them to get out there and join in by buying even more of their crap.

Mass participation

The government has pledged to encourage mass community sports participation by:

• Selling off up to a thousand local sports clubs and facilities
• Allowing private firms to invest in a number of iconic multi-sport facilities by knocking them down and building office blocks on the land instead
• Improving hundreds of playing fields and preserving high-quality local sports spaces by turning them into multi-storey car parks
• Recruiting and training 40,000 sports leaders to become unemployed where they will be forced to stack shelves in local supermarkets
• Motivating more than 100,000 adults to get involved in multiple Olympic and Paralympic sports by watching them on Sky Sports, and in doing so raising millions of pounds for charities like Rupert Murdoch’s News International
• Giving young people the opportunity to receive six weeks of coaching in the dead-end job of their choice
• Guiding young people into regular participation within their community by flipping burgers and stacking shelves on the Workfare scheme when they become unemployed
• Investing £8 million on tackling the barriers disabled people face when they want to play sport, by withholding their benefits and forcing them to jump through numerous bureaucratic hoops before ensuring they have to run round in circles trying to avoid starvation

Further information

• Cameron – Previous Labour Administration To Blame For Olympic Success We Have To Clear Up
• Boris Johnson Praises Olympics Boost To London’s Mayor
• PM – make competitive sports compulsory for bankers aged 50 – 65
• Daily Mail – Outrage As Number Of UK Immigrants On Podiums Hits Record Levels!
• PM Finally Deals With Financial Crisis By Announcing Clampdown On Excessive Indian Dancing
• David Cameron defends move to scrap targets for school archery
• Team GB Piles Up The Gold In Sprint To Sell Off School Sports Fields
• Tory MP demands return to traditional right-wing omnishambles after success of ‘lefty’ opening ceremony
• Aidan Burley complains about lack of Nazi theme in ‘leftie’ Olympic ceremony

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