US Warning To Mayans Over Threats Of World Destruction

(satire)

The United States has sent a stern warning to the ancient Mayan kingdom that it will consider a military response if it didn’t stop threatening the world with destruction amid intelligence reports that the fabled Latin American civilisation was implying that the apocalypse was most likely going to take place sometime this month. 

President Barack Obama gave the warning during a speech at the National Defense University in Washington:

I want to make it absolutely clear to the Mayan leadership and those under its command – that any use of ancient prophesies to threaten the world is totally unacceptable.

And if you make the tragic mistake of making these predictions, there will be consequences and you will be held accountable.

Obama has previously warned in no uncertain terms that any use of dire prophesies in a threatening fashion by any ancient civilisations would be crossing a “red line” that would prompt a swift U.S. response.

Earlier on Monday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton issued a similar warning:

I’m not going to telegraph in any specifics what we would do in the event of credible evidence that the Mayan regime has resorted to prophesying the return of the god Bolon Yokte’ K’uh on the 21st of December, or implied it is willing to predict the catastrophic conclusion of a 5,125-year cycle in its calendar.

But suffice it to say, we are certainly planning to take action if that eventuality were to occur.

US Officials: ‘Worrying signs’ regarding Maya’s stone tablets

The Mexican Foreign Ministry however, has denied that the Mayan civilisation – which existed on its territory 600 years ago – had predicted the end of the world. Citing a source at the ministry, state TV said Mexican leaders have repeatedly stressed it will not make use of such predictions, if they exist, no matter the circumstances.

On Tuesday, a Mexican Foreign Ministry official sent an urgent message to US and NATO leaders:

Please don’t bomb us to f**k. We were only trying to drum up a bit of tourism,

he said.

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