ATOS declare Richard III fit for work

(satire)

A severely disabled Leicester King faces having to find work after being declared fit to work by French firm ATOS Healthcare despite being registered dead and suffering severe 550-year-old sword wounds to the head.

The dead monarch, Richard Plantagenet, was called for a reassessment of his fitness for work by ATOS – which carries out disability assessments on behalf of the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) - after it was discovered the deposed King had spent years lying in a Leicester City Council car park doing absolutely nothing.

As a result of the reassessment by ATOS, the last royal descendant of the House of York was shocked to receive a letter this week telling him he had been given a score of zero in all criteria, which means he is considered to be fit to work.

The letter from the DWP states it considers Mr Plantagenet’s lack of eyes doesn’t prevent him from “finding his way around familiar and unfamiliar places” and the fact he is bereft of life does not mean his “capability for work is limited.”

However, the deceased king has questioned the disability assessment, claiming he has been registered dead since he was killed and crudely buried by his successor Henry VII during the Battle of Bosworth in 1485.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

ATOS to reduce ‘fit for work’ test to one question: “Are you alive?”
13-year-old boy – Cameron’s policies killed my dad
Government to clamp down on disabled benefit cheats flooding country from tour in Afghanistan
Scandal as Topless and Legless Royalty Denied Benefits by DWP
Toby Young – disabled children should be excluded from schools
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