Queen confirmed longest monarch on the throne after bout of gastroenterisis

(satire – probably)

After a bout of gastroenterisis, the Queen has been confirmed as the monarch who has sat on the throne the longest, overtaking George III who once suffered from a bad case of the squits after eating a dodgy chocolate pudding.

Queen Elizabeth – who celebrated her diamond jubilee last year – had to cancel a scheduled trip to Swansea when she acceded to the throne on 1st February 2013 and has remained there for 3 days and 14 hours.

Although the Queen’s great-great-grandmother, Queen Victoria once got hit with gut-wrenching Pharaoh’s revenge after a visit to Egypt, her royal ancestor George III had greater longevity on the throne when he once had the skitters which lasted 2 days, 4 and a half hours and 32 minutes.

In a related development, a spokeswoman for Buckingham Palace rejected what she called ‘understandable’ widespread speculation that the Queen was throwing a sickie just to avoid visiting Swansea.

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