Gove announces plan to phase out teaching in schools

(satire?)

Educational experts have expressed reservations over Education Secretary Michael Gove’s announcement that the coalition government intends to phase out teaching in state schools.

According to reports, government ministers have already started talks to phase out the provision of education in primary and secondary schools in order for schools to focus more on their core function of making money – without the need to teach pupils, as required by existing legislation. 

Some experts however have criticised the plans, saying the complete axing of all teaching in schools could possibly lead in some cases to pupils not actually learning anything at all.

A spokesperson for the Department for Education, explained the reasons for the plans:

One of the biggest obstacles to the smooth running of a school is the distraction of constantly having to teach things to children.

It’s clear that unless we allow our schools to be able to escape the stranglehold that having to provide an education brings, the people running schools will never be able to make a decent profit from them.

According to insiders, the Education Secretary is also said to be looking at ways of reducing the high costs of employing teachers by relaxing statutory requirements for schools to have any.

It is understood that there are two broad elements to the reforms: the national curriculum – which sets out what secondary school pupils should be taught – will be scrapped; and a more rigorous system of not teaching anything at all to non fee-paying state school pupils is to be introduced.

The government also believes that the twin reforms will hand more freedom to state school teachers – by making them redundant.

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