REVEALED – PM stunned by revelations of his secret love affair with himself

(satire – probably)

David Cameron has held crisis talks at Downing Street after being told of stunning allegations that he has been having a love affair with himself.

For legal reasons, Pride’s Purge cannot disclose the identity of the serving UK prime minister that Mr Cameron is alleged to have been involved with – however we can reveal that when aides told Mr Cameron he’d been shagging himself for the last 2 years he was ‘stunned’, and, according to sources, ‘immediately realised the importance of the story’.

The Prime Minister and his aides also discussed the possible fallout should details of his affair with himself become public – and how such disclosure could ‘blow out of the water’ any major political set pieces planned by the coalition by making his present bit-on-the-side Nick Clegg extremely jealous.

However, Mr Cameron has so far refused to comment on the sensational allegations apart from issuing a statement to party activists saying “my party doesn’t understand me.”