Boris Johnson: outbreaks of fire to be kettled and baton charged by mounted police

(satire?)

Mounted police officers and City bankers to tackle outbreaks of fire in the capital

London Mayor Boris Johnson has announced plans for the Metropolitan Police to clamp down on any serious outbreaks of fire in London this summer with the use of water cannon, baton charges from mounted officers and containment of out of control flames by kettling.

The hardline approach to tackling rioting gangs of house fires comes after the Mayor was heavily criticised for going ahead with the closure of 10 fire stations and the loss of 552 firefighters across the capital.

A spokesperson for the Mayor said scaremongering by critics that cuts to frontline fire fighting services would put the public in danger was irresponsible:

“We have ordered extra water cannon and patrols of armed police who will not hesitate to open fire on any criminal blazes that think they can get away with targeting homes and businesses.“

The spokesperson added that Mr Johnson had received assurances from bankers in the City of London that they are also prepared to do everything they can to help fight outbreaks of fire in the capital by smothering the flames with the enormous piles of cash bonuses they’ll be able to pay themselves if the government promises to cut their taxes again.

.

Related articles by Tom Pride:

Typical Tory logic: money for water to use against protesters but not to put out fires

Boris Johnson to close 3 fire stations that sent engines to the Apollo Theatre

The 7 Deadly Sins according to Boris Johnson

The Boris Johnson IQ Test – take this quick test to see exactly how thick you are

Boris Johnson slashes number of deadly sins across London in bid to privatise greed

The definition of IQ according to Einstein

Oscar-winning Hollywood actor Michael Douglas to play Boris Johnson in new film

Here’s an interesting signature on a petition against ticket office closures: a Mr Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson to paint his arse blue in effort to reduce cycling deaths

Cycling deaths in London – Boris to make an exception of himself?

So what’s the real reason Boris Johnson broke his promise not to cut London’s fire services?

London’s fire engines are now owned by one man – an old Etonian

Boris Johnson can’t distance himself from Cameron. He’s family.

.

Please feel free to comment.

.

If you click on any of the buttons below, you’ll be doing me a favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: