BREAKING: Cameron pledges NHS to last just 7 days after he becomes PM

(satire?)

All hospitals in England will have NHS doctors on duty for a period of seven days before they are thrown on the dole by a future Conservative government, David Cameron is to pledge.

At the Tories’ spring forum, the PM will say NHS hospitals must provide top-level treatment for a whole seven days directly after he becomes PM, after which they’ll all be sold off to his mates.

The move, aimed at cutting weekend mortality rates, builds on plans set out by senior Tory Party leaders to make sure patients can be fleeced by private health firms 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

‘Bleed ‘Em Dry’

Speaking at the forum in Manchester later, Mr Cameron will warn that figures show patients are “more likely to die” before private healthcare providers have had a chance to bleed their bank accounts dry if they are admitted at weekends.

The announcement comes just days after Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg pledged to abolish death in NHS hospitals and dramatically raise levels of immortality for patients if he wins the election on May 7th.

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