EXPLOSIVE: May “has asked EU to prep Article 50 extension”

The Express ran this piece this morning. The dear old Ex isn’t the most reliable of sources, so I rang the Slog’s Sproutmole an hour ago (09.30 CET). The source told me “the gossip here is that at her last meeting with Juncker, May asked him to get the ducks in a row for a short extension”.

I’ve been waiting for the right moment to release this somewhat bitter parody based on Alfred Lord Tennyson’s Charge of the Light Brigade. Enjoy

The Brexit Theresa May made
By ANGERED WARD TENNYSLOG

Half a league forwards,
Half a league backwards
up and down
the arsehole of Eee-Yoo
Rode the six-fifty.
All of us wondered,
quite why they had blundered
just because gappy
Verhofstadt thundered…..

Cowards to the right of us,
Cowards to the left of us,
Bullies in front of us.
But haunted by visions of Hell
and taunted by motives that smell
back up the arsehole of Eee-You
rode the six-fifty…

Theirs not not to bother or try
theirs just to blubber and cry,
theirs but to dither and lie –
theirs just to tell us all why
it must be surrender or die.
Occasional sabres of wood
were rattled, but Brussels smelt blood.
Up and down the arsehole of Eee-Yoo
Rode the six-fifty….

The euronauts soon understood
(by God they were quick to divine)
this Great Britain not even Good –
its MPs all born with no spine.
Hidden by media smoke,
disguising the fact they were broke –
as one vicious pack they cried wolf
and highlighted Old Blighty’s gulf
twixt gullible Left-looking eyes
and older heads steadfastly wise.
Shattered and shifty,
up and down
the arsehole of Eee-Yoo
limped the six-fifty.

The Eee-Yoo revenge it was brutal
but our horses
were all parked in neutral,
so, snatching defeat from win-win
six hundred gave up and gave in.
But fifty that had fought so well
(although horse and hero, they fell)
emerged from the arsehole of Hell.
Now all that remained was six hundred –
all happy to see Blighty plundered….
So right up the arsehole of Eee-Yoo
rode the six hundred…..

When will their infamy fade
for the Deal with the Devil they made?
For the seventeen million ignored
and the way Robbins traitors all whored
one by one with both Barnier and Juncker
and all of the rest in the bunker….
those grey men with no Voyager Gene
each one a deadbeat has-been.
Thirty-nine billion for nothing refunded
right up the arsehole of Eee-Yoo
crawled the six hundred.