The PH Index

I’ve just spent minutes on end inventing the PH Index as an important measure of political ineptitude which also applies to the world beyond politics. Is there a world beyond politics? Well if there is the PH Index applies to that too.

PH stands for Pig-Headed which seems to be one of the major personality traits of the political class. The only observable personality trait in many cases. The PH Index goes from 0 to 14, chosen because it is analogous to the older pH scale of acidity and alkalinity. A PH of 0 would represent the complete absence of pig-headedness while 14 would be total pig-headedness although clearly neither are achievable in real life.

Most natural PH values occur between 4 and 9 which again correlates well with pH values found in the natural world. Most of us are Pig-Headed to some degree, but a PH of less that 4 is unusual because it implies an almost saintly level of dispassionate weighing of pros and cons and we all know how annoying that can be.

However, a PH value greater than 9 takes us into even more annoying political territory. Jeremy Corbyn is a superb example of a person with PH value somewhere between 13 and 14. He doesn’t quite reach 14 but still a stunning achievement even by Labour Party standards. Matt Hancock is an oddity though, because he has a PH value of 15 which is impossible. More research needed there obviously.

It is early days but Boris Johnson seems to be about 12 to 13 although he could be an example of assumed pig-headedness. He knows a high PH value is absolutely essential for political success without apparently realising that it also contains the seeds of political destruction. In his case a PH of 10 or 11 might be politically safer.