Who first invented stupidity?

A heated academic debate is building up over the invention of stupidity. When was it first invented and where should the credit go? Unusually in the case of important inventions, no country claims to be the first to have invented stupidity.

I put this vital question to Dr Baz Broxtowe of Fradley University. Dr Baz is engaged in research into the historical origins of stupidity. His team at Fradley has built an AI system to probe this vexed issue, a system they call COVID, or the Cultural Origins of Voluntary Idiot Development.

“We always assume that stupidity has been around forever,” Dr Baz explained, to me over a quick coffee at Fradley, “but modern stupidity appears to be fundamentally different in that it is both voluntary and sustainable.”

“Voluntary and sustainable?” I asked. Obvious question I thought, but as Dr Baz explains so well, stupidity can be sustainable.

“Yes, voluntary in that intelligent people often choose to be stupid in certain areas where it is advantageous.”

“How can it be advantageous to be stupid?” Another obvious question although I soon realised that I already knew the answer to this one.

“Professionally advantageous usually,” Dr Baz replied. “Acquiring a prominent position by promoting a dumb but widely accepted consensus for example.” He pointed to a notice on the wall about gender diversity training.

“Okay I sort of see that, but what about sustainable?”

“Stupidity can be sustainable in the sense that certain socially important modes of stupidity persist for prolonged periods without any real risk of fading away. We must regard this key type of stupidity as socially useful stupidity. We should view it as a valued tool in the armoury of the ambitious. Otherwise it would not be sustainable. Simple really, but so often mistaken for unsustainable stupidity.”

“A valued tool?” Another obvious question I thought, but Dr Baz has some interesting theories to back up his assertion and I was beginning to grasp his drift.

“Yes, stupidity as a valued tool. Sustainable stupidity tells us that society can and indeed must accommodate this kind of stupidity because of its inherent value. Even more striking is that sustainable stupidity cannot be stupid except in some kind of outdated and elitist sense.”

“Okay I think I get that too,” I replied. “But how does one begin to research the origins of stupidity?”

“It isn’t easy, but we have developed our COVID system to track and classify instances of stupidity throughout recorded history. There are some obvious modern clues though.”

“Such as?”

“Joe Biden for one,” spluttered Dr Baz, almost choking on his coffee. “I mean… I mean Joe Biden as US Prez…” He burst out laughing and it was some time before he was able to resume normal service.

“But that was very recent,” I pointed out. “It hardly constitutes an analysis of historical trends.”

“Yes, yes I suppose you are right,” Dr Baz admitted, wiping his eyes with a tissue. “But another one is the idea that climate parameters can be predicted for thirty years into the future.”

At this point Dr Baz was laughing so uncontrollably that he fell off his chair. As someone who pays for green electricity and recycles a substantial number of yogurt pots I couldn’t help feeling somewhat offended. I gathered up my notes and left. Dr Baz was still laughing.