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A sketch we’ll never see

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Imagine a Monty Python type sketch with a similar format to the dead parrot sketch. This imaginary sketch opens with a man in a suit fiddling around with papers at the reception desk of an office. The walls are covered with weather maps. Another man wearing a thick fair isle jumper enters the office, walks up to the reception desk and says –

Jumper: Hello, I wish to make a complaint about the Met Office.

Suit: Oh… er… Sorry mate, this isn’t the Met Office it’s a bicycle shop.

Jumper: A bicycle shop? He gazes around the office. Then why does it say ‘Met Office’ on the door and why are your walls covered in weather maps and suchlike? Answer me that.

Suit: Great weather maps aren’t they? Very decorative we find them, especially the use of colour and those wiggly lines, But we aren’t the Met Office, Sir. We’re a bicycle shop.

Jumper: Don’t give me that. If this is a bicycle shop why are there no bicycles and why aren’t you wearin’ brown overalls?

Suit: That’s because we’re right out of bicycles at the moment… He looks around ostentatiously then shakes his head. Just can’t get hold of bicycles these days.

Jumper: Can’t get hold of bicycles? There are millions of them all over the world. 

Suit: Not round here squire.

Jumper: Look here my man, I’ve had quite enough of this. This is the Met Office and many years ago you promised us warmer weather because of global warmin’. You said we’d be so ‘ot we’d have move up north to Carlisle or somewhere. So why am I still wearin’ my woolly jumper in May? Tell me that.

Hardly hilarious, but although it could be made to work, only sceptical people would find it amusing. Most comedy is essentially conformist in spite of its somewhat anarchic image.


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