When You Want a Laugh, Read This Story by Jon Rappoport - Satirical Post

Last week, as FBI agents were carrying a fully armed cruise missile out of Mar-a-Lago, one of them noticed a memo pinned to the wall in the kitchen. It read:

“Call Vlad about 18 holes at Beachfront Paradise.”

And that note unraveled the whole plot.

It turns out that Trump, who supports the new Saudi-backed pro golf tour, had an appointment to play a round at his new course, Beachfront Par-a-Mega, on August 24th, with Ahmed Igor.

Igor, 27, is a golfer on the Saudi tour.

Had Trump not been stopped by the FBI raid, he would have passed the nuclear launch codes to Igor, who would have flown to Moscow and delivered them to Vladimir Putin.

US Attorney General Merrick Garland spoke to CNN correspondent Wilford Woke III: “I can tell you, Willy, all of Washington is breathing a huge sigh of relief. The cat is out of the bag, the handwriting is on the wall, and Trump will face a firing squad by Christmas.”

Highly decorated historian of Presidents, Michael Beschloss, remarked: “Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.”

Beschloss was, of course, referring to the two American spies who passed nuclear secrets to the Soviet Union and were executed in 1953.

Pope Francis chimed in: “This puts Trump slightly above the trifecta of Hitler, Stalin, and Lenin on the Vatican chart of all-time sinners.”

Senator Chuck Schumer told the New York Times, “We haven’t decided on the manner of Trump’s execution yet. Although the Attorney General favors a firing squad, some members of Congress prefer the electric chair. Most CDC employees want a guillotine. Western Governors are circulating a petition for hanging.”

Major television networks are planning “pre-game shows” that will air leading up to the actual execution.

The Pentagon’s Chief of Critical Race Theory and Gender Transition, Colonel Trudy Max Butch Brickhouse, has announced that Trump will definitely not be buried at the Arlington National Cemetery.

“Frankly,” she/it said, “we would like to see him burned at the stake. But one way or another, he will be cremated, and his ashes will be scattered throughout the offices of some large federal agency, to illustrate that government is forever, and he was only temporary.”

In a rare public statement, Susan Rice, who runs America through President Biden, offered this: “In the wake of Trump’s execution, federal records will be changed to reflect that President Obama was directly succeeded in office by Mr. Biden. There was no intervening President.”

Meanwhile, FBI agents have tracked down pro golfer Ahmed Igor, the go-between who was scheduled to pass the nuclear launch codes from Mr. Trump to Mr. Putin. Igor was hiding in a large truck transporting $835 million in cash and 400,000 fentanyl pills from San Diego, on the 5 Freeway, to Los Angeles, where, officials say, the load would have been used to fund the campaign of Carlo Zorro, a Mexican cartel boss, who is planning to run for LA County District Attorney in the fall.

Mr. Zorro was charged with attempting to receive stolen goods, and released on his own recognizance, so he could continue campaigning for office.

FBI agents shot Mr. Igor 437 times as he jumped from the truck, eventually killing him. Fourteen bullets entered a nearby Burger King. One bullet slightly grazed Houston massage therapist, Julie Branson.

Suspended Cleveland Browns quarterback, Deshaun Watson, told reporters, “I don’t know the woman. I never had a massage from her. I never touched her. I was nowhere near LA when she was shot.”

In other news, former NY Times reporter, Alex Berenson, has revealed that Biden officials pressured Twitter to ban him, claiming he was the epicenter of COVID vaccine disinformation. The IRS is hiring 87,000 new enforcement agents. 436 of those agents will be tasked with collecting Berenson’s annual taxes.

— Jon Rappoport

Jon also writes at NoMoreFakeNews.com and OutsideTheRealityMachine.com

Follow Jon on Twitter and Gab: @jonrappoport