Father’s Day Advice for Those That Don’t Have A Father

The amount of children born out of wedlock in the US is increasing. Statistics have found that it’s important to have a father in your life.  In the 1960′s, Americans were highly alarmed that “In 1965, 24 percent of black infants and 3.1 percent of white infants were born to single mothers.”  Today, 72% of black infants are born out of wedlock. 29% of white babies are born out of wedlock.

I empathize with those that don’t have a dad today.  I had a great dad.  He was tough, but fair.  I wouldn’t be where I am without him.  He was the first in his family to graduate from college (his parent’s each had 11 siblings, so there were a lot of cousins!).  He grew up very poor in New Orleans, then Michigan.  The poverty that he overcame was a lot more difficult than the “poverty” we see today.  My father has very few photos of his family, they couldn’t afford a camera.  His brother became a top lawyer in Washington, graduating from one of the top law schools in the US.  But, one advantage they had over impoverished kids today is they had a father.

Fathers make a difference.

But, what if you don’t have a dad today?  What advice would a good dad give you?  If you are reading this and you don’t have someone to play catch with today, don’t despair.  The world is still your oyster.  Here is what you have to do.

1.  Stay in school and be serious about it.  If you don’t understand something, stay after and get help from your teacher.  Don’t be afraid, that’s what they are there for.  If they don’t help you, talk to the Principal and get some help.  Graduate from high school.  If you can’t afford college, no big deal.  Go to a local community college and do two years there. When you go to college, major in something real.  Sociology will get you a job in a coffee house.  Major in math, science or engineering-or business. People can steal your stuff, they can ignore you, but they can never take away your education.  In the future, it will be one of the most valuable things you ever have.

2.  If you are in a gang, quit.  Walk away now.  They may seem like your friends today and it’s going to be really tough on you for awhile.  They are going to bug you to no end.  Be strong, quit.  Those fellas are going to get you tossed in jail, or shot dead in the future.  They aren’t like a father.  Fathers care about you.  Gangs could care less about you.

3.  Don’t dress “street”. Shape yourself up.  Look sharp.  Sure, a lot of people will say you are trying to be something you are not but they are just trying to drag you into the mud with them.  In the old days they called it taking pride in yourself.  Success starts with you.

4.  Learn to speak like mainstream America.  You cannot be successful if you can’t communicate.  I understand where you are coming from.  But, the mainstream (that includes everyone of all colors) doesn’t understand where you are coming from.  They can’t relate and have this media imposed fallacious view of it.  Be like Dr. Doolittle.  You have to learn the animals language to talk to them.  They aren’t going to learn yours.

5.  Don’t be afraid to take risks in a job, sports or in your education.  Put yourself out there.  The worst you can do is fail.  If you fail, learn from it and start over.

6.  No drugs.  They’ll get you into situations where you are stuck.  Walk away.  It’s trite to say, but it’s true.

7.  Don’t get a girl pregnant.  Think about how much better your life would have been with a father around. Don’t do it to someone else.  Even though the temptation is enticing!  When you want to have a family, get married and stay married.   A good marriage is hard work by the way.

8.  See if you can find a mentor.  Find one guy that you can talk to that seems successful to you.  Could be a shop keeper, could be a cop.  Could be a teacher or a minister.  Someone.  Then, talk to him.  Alexander Hamilton was a fatherless guy on an island in the Caribbean. He had a mentor that gave him great books.  He wound up being a father to a country, America.

9.  Accept responsibility for your decisions.  You can open and close doors for yourself by the decisions you make. No one is forcing you to skip school, pump drugs into your body, or run around doing stupid stuff.  It all starts with you.

10.  Find any job.  Work.  I pumped gas, mowed lawns, busted up concrete, sold women’s shoes, shoveled snow.  Didn’t matter.  If you can’t find a job, start a business.  Clean up yards in your neighborhood for some pay.  You don’t have to make the minimum wage-you can work cheaper and build your business.  Guys that start internet companies that get listed on Wall Street usually work for free.

I really do understand your situation.  I hung out on playgrounds playing hoops for most of my formative years.  I did the JC route myself.  I know people that have overcome it.  It’s not easy my friend, but you will find anything in life worth anything isn’t easy either.  There isn’t anything holding you back, except you and the decisions you make.

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