eBay Psychics Mistaken For Craigslist Sluts As eBay Abandons Metaphysical Wares

As a self-employed person who relies on the Internet to pay the bills myself, I completely understand the plight of Tabetha Berry and her fellow eBay-reliant psychics who are now needing a new source for suckers:

Tabetha Berry has sold psychic readings for much of her
adult life. But there is one thing she didn’t see coming: the death of
her cash cow.

Since 2010, the 50-year-old resident of Santa Clarita, Calif., has
made 80% of her annual income selling as many as 60 psychic readings a
month on eBay typically for about $15 each. Earlier this month, eBay said it will
shut down sales of “metaphysical” goods such as spells, potions and
other magical services on its namesake website.

Um, wait, I write (mostly) accounting career advice for a living and this chick sells psychic readings so either we’re practically the same person or not at all alike. Perhaps I should start charging accounting students to read their career tea leaves instead of giving them real advice they can use? YES, it’s so genius!

Let’s do the math quick, shall we? If Tabetha Berry has been making money off of this for “much of her adult life” and eBay has been around since 1995, that means for approximately 1/3 of her adult life, Ms Berry used something other than eBay to pay her bills. Assuming, of course, that she was one of the 4 people who used eBay back before it was eBay. More likely, she’s been milking eBay for a good decade or so. So what did she do before that? Psychic Friends Network commercials? Why can’t she go back to whatever it was she did before eBay?

While we’re debunking wild claims from this WSJ article, since when is $900 a month a cash cow? That wouldn’t even pay my rent! I certainly wouldn’t refer to it as a cash cow, especially for someone living in overpriced, overtaxed California. Come on now, WSJ, stop being lazy.

Anyhoo, looks like the eBay psychics are going to have to find an alternate way to pull in obscene amounts of money like $900 every month now that eBay is no longer helping them scam unsuspecting losers who think psychic readings are at all legit. Apparently that’s not working out too well already:

Still others are throwing in their wands and turning to less paranormal
careers, like selling shoes. “I’m feeling so defeated,” says Ms. Berry,
who says she has tried to reduce her reliance on eBay by posting psychic
services on Craigslist—only to be propositioned. “I guess I could have
seen that coming,” she says.

YA THINK?! Maybe you should have charged yourself $15 for the reading, Tabetha!

While we’re on the subject, enjoy my favorite psychic, Q-tip head Gary Spivey: