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Let's Talk About Last Night's Oscars...

Monday, February 28, 2011 12:42

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Oh that was three hours of bad times on a stick…amiright? Actually more like 6, if you want to also count the horrifically awkward red carpet show on ABC before the show started. It was just one dud question after another…nuttin’ but crickets, with the uncomfortable-ness of Robin Roberts dwarfing everyone…

Luckily, I didn’t have any lofty expectations for new hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco, because…well…she’s wooden and overrated, and he’s perpetually sipping the bong water, so I was pretty confident it would all crash and burn in a ball of flames, and turns out…from the first montage that even Alec Baldwin couldn’t save…I was right.

Kirk Douglas and Billy Crystal came out and reminded us that this show is actually supposed to entertain us, so that was nice to see.

All in all, a simply horrible albatross of a show. So let’s talk about the winners.

No real shockers there. I was surprised that The Social Network was snubbed in the major stuff. Not because it was a great movie, because it wasn’t. It was a thickly acted, but crisply written, timely movie. That’s the only reason why it was there. We have one of those every year. But I thought for sure once The King’s Speech cleaned up the awards, Best Picture might have gone to the nerds.

Melissa Leo gave us her precious F-bomb speech, which I loved because it was so real. If any of us won that thing, we would run up there and yell, “Holly EFFING …..!!!” Well, I would anyway.

We all knew Colin Firth was going to win…snore.

Christian Bale won something, finally. Too bad that awful beard had to go and ruin everything.

Natalie Portman won for her role in Black Swan. Which, ok fine. It was a good role in a good movie. However, it just cemented that Hollywood will give accolades to the younger actress in her first novelty role, and not to the seasoned vet who actually gave a more multi-faceted performance in a pretty ordinary movie. See Hudson, Kate and Paltrow, Gwyneth.

Speaking of the Goop-ster who went as a lifesized Oscar in a gold dress and matching spray tan… what was UP with the spray tanning disasters? Matthew McConaghuey…probably the hottest man on the planet, just looked a hot mess. A complete hot mess. Like The Situation kidnapped him and held him for ransom at an LA Tan.

And the dresses? Icky bad! The ones that usually get it right, Kidman, Blanchett, Paltrow…all looked like they stepped off Ziggy Stardust’s spaceship.

Sandra Bullock went and messed up her face, too. She had that part between her nose and upper lip botoxed to death, and it made her speak like she had a brain injury of some kind. Why people, whyyyyyyy?

Scarlett Johansson looked like she was scraped up off the gutter on Hollywodd Blvd, and stuck in the back of a limo. The ratty hair, stuffed into that purple nightmare of a doily dress…possibly inebriated. She possibly should have stayed home.

Anyhoo…back to the winners…

Best Picture went to The King’s Speech, and we called it a night. PS22 restored our faith in humanity with their rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and that’s the end to the year that was in movies.

What did you think of the show? Bad, right? Or did you actually like it?

Read more at Reality Zen With Jenn

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