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'Dancing With The Stars' Semifinal Results Recap: Karate Kicked Off!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011 15:56

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Did you hear the shrieking of all of the women over the age of 30 that watch this show last night? I was one of them that fell to the floor, tearing at my clothes and wailing, “No! WHHHHYYYYYY! Not Ralph! Noooooooo!”

But sadly this is true. Unlike Jennifer Grey riding the Swayze Ghost to the Golden Mirror Ball of Glory… the Miyagi ghost couldn’t get Danielsan there…sadsies.

Before we continue our requiem for Ralph, let’s talk about the results show. Stevie Motherfreakin’ Nicks in the HOUSE, yo! God I love her. I love her infinity, and I am loving how these results shows have stepped up and gone from cheesy to music extravaganzas!

Then the other highlight of the night was precious Tayla Kelley. How adorable was she? I was a bawling mess as she described her immune deficiency, and how dancing is her escape from that. And she was good! She kept right up with Chelsie and Lacey to my very favorite song of all time, ever… “Bulletproof.”

And screw you Bobblehead Brooke Burke for having to look at your note card to read the child’s name as it is descending onto the stage in giant lights right in front of her face. Idiot.

Finally it was time for Ralph to get the glitter boot, which we kind of already knew would happen after that Salsa Abomination ( my new band name, by the way.) so we can quit blaming Chelsea Kane, now. It’s not her fault, the better dancers got through. Not that Kirstie Alley deserves to be there, but people for whatever reason, realllllllly want her to win.

So what do we think of our finalists? For me it’s kinda lame, to tell you the truth. I’m not really feeling any of them. Hines is good, but slightly overrated, Kirstie…whatever, and Chelsea is ok, I guess, but not someone I’m going bananas over.

Good bye, Ralph… you were a treat and made Karina tolerable, for that America thanks you, too…

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