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'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Trigger Happy

Wednesday, May 25, 2011 0:54

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Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy, sportsfans! Pretty cool-beans we have a Housewives show worth watching around here, right? This week is was Halloween in Largos del Francisco…pumpkin carving, trick or treating, the silohuette of Danielle Staub riding her pole to Scores against the full moon… just like every year.

But this year we have the Gorgas… and they’re a bunch of weirdos, aren’t they? Going over to Kathy’s house dressed like emo Bert and Ernie… it’s just a Teresa trash-fest demanding apologies for Joey Knuckle’s bad behavior. Don’t you love that? Teresa is supposed to be sorry that Joey Knuckles got tanked, had a temper tantrum and ruined his own son’s Christening? Hysterical. But that’s how these Gorgas are. They have a switch, ya know. Flip that switch and all of a sudden you have hulking green monsters tossing over cars in the street.

Since it was Halloween, it only made sense that we should also have the Potsie Posche Faaaayyyyshen Show courtesy of our beloved shopkeeper, David Lee Roth and who else?

KIMMY DA G!!!!

She’s back folks, pulled tighter than the skin of a tom-tom drum, still not wearing pants, and as batshit insane as ever. She’s one rabid old lady with a fierce hate of Teresa and her fat ass! You know it’s bad if sworn enemies, Melissa and Kathy are sooooo uncomfortable watching that!

AnyWHO stoopid Melissa was just invited to model in the Posche Show of Faaaaayshens, and she’s all, “Who me? I can’t model! I’ve never modeled before!” Then proceeded to work that store’s imaginary runway like she was about to lipsync for her life. Sit down and shut-up, Melissa…your mugging annoys me.

Know who else is annoyed? Gia. Gia is annoyed because she is 10 years old and her mother is embarrassing her by twirling around the house as “Super T,” and possibly hitting the bottle of Jesus Juice a little earlier than usual. Poor Gia. The only grown up in that house.

It’s still better over at Casa de Giudice than what we’re about to see over at Villa de Gorga….

After taking their kids, Tony, Stella and lil’ Ravioli out Trick or Treating, and when that was over, they went back to their concrete castle, left the baby in the foyer (did you SEE that?! Just plopped the baby on the floor!) then got ready for their grown up party with Kim Squared in da club…dressed as a kitty and Snooki. Joey Knuckles kinda liked those heels, didn’t he? He liked feeling pretty for a minute…

So that was Halloween and it was ok….on to the Fashions!

Wait! First let’s talk about Jacqueline’s belly button? It was typical Jax…blink, blink, forma a thought, blink, blink, “my belly button frowns.” Ok, then. Thanks for playing, again Jax.

Now let’s get to the fashion show…

Melissa’s in a snit because she feels Teresa is going to act like nothing happened after Dante’s Christening, and guess what…she did. “Happy! Happy! Love, Love, Love! Fabulicious!” which is what Teresa does! Why are we shocked? She’s a professional ostrich!

Blah, Blah, Blah….makeup, walking, fashion….lame…Kimy da G wanted to boo Teresa and throw tomatoes at her, and it was tiring…

Then when it was over, Kathy ( a fence rider, maybe? Wants to suss out both camps in the name of more camera time?) tries to “tawwwk” to Teresa about Dante’s Christening, and how she should apologize to Melissa for her brother getting drunk and ruining his own son’s day. What am I missing….why is Teresa supposed to apologize again?

But Kathy wanted Teresa to know that while she and Joey Knuckles were flipping their Gorga switches, she was putting helmets on the children and ushering them to safety. ESPECIALLY the baby left in the stroller! Bad mom, T!

Teresa ain’t having it, and called in her mother as a backup, to which the poor lady pretended to not speak any English…then everyone started squawking… until Caroline came into the room and grabbed everyone by the ear shouting, “ENOUGH! So help me God, if I have to pull this car over, someone’s getting the wooden spoon!”

And that was that…conflict over. OVAH! Whatevah! Who Cay-uhs! Go home!

So we did, and the nice orderlies came to put a hockey mask on Kimmy da G and wheel her out on a dolly back to the looney bin, hopefully not to be seen for a few episodes…

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