The “undecideds”

It grieves and saddens me no end that the fate of our beloved country, as well as that of all of the so-called “free world” (that’s funny), lies in the hands of some people who have been called the “undecideds.” It seems to me that these “undecideds” are people who profess that they just can’t decide whether to vote for a totally unqualified lying sack of shit who, as it happens, is a rich white  man – or a thoughtful, intelligent, proven, calm person, who, to their chagrin, is either a female or a (gasp) Jewish Socialist.

It also seems to me that these “undecideds” are people who, if they were hit over the head with a heavy mallet, couldn’t even decide whether they were hit over the head with a heavy mallet or not – unless, of course,  they were hit over the head by either that female or that (gasp) Jewish Socialist.

Barking in the Dark has uncovered a sample multiple choice questionnaire sent by the Republican Party to these “undecideds.”

Q. Would you rather be hit over the head with a heavy mallet by a stupid narcissistic wealthy white man, a smart black man, a female, or a (gasp) Jewish Socialist?

a. It doesn’t matter.

b. I’m thinking it over.

c. What does narcissistic mean?

d. The wealthy white man.

Q. Who, in your opinion, would be more likely to score a direct hit onto your skull with a heavy mallet – a rich out-of touch asshole of a wealthy white man, a smart black man, a female. or a (gasp) Jewish Socialist?

a. This is an interesting question – I’ll have to give it some thought also.

b. Can I choose what kind of heavy mallet?

c. Can I wear my trucker cap?

d. The wealthy white man.

Q. Would you consider being hit over the head with a heavy mallet more than one time?

a. If it didn’t hurt – I would.

b. How many times more?

c. What does consider mean?

d. If I was being hit over the head by a wealthy white man – why not?

Thank you for your participation in this exercise. People such as you are invaluable assets to The Republican Party.

So…there you have it friends. We can all rest comfortably in our beds at night secure in the knowledge that these “undecideds” will all make the right choice in the voting booth come this November. After all, when we see panels of these “undecideds” on our TV’s we can clearly see the  yuge  effort they are putting in to make this  very  tough choice. Their deeply furrowed brows crown the puzzled insipid looks on their faces. Faces that reveal the strain they are experiencing in deciphering this unfathomable enigma.

If  only  there were some  clear-cut differences between the candidates why,  then  of  course  they could make this  incredibly difficult  choice…but, alas – to their utter puzzlement – there aren’t any.

Unless, of course, you count one candidate being an unaware self-absorbed moronic narcissistic lying con man bully, one being a female former New York Senator and ex-Secretary of State, and the other being a Senator who’s a (gasp) Jewish Socialist.

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2012, revised 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Filed under: Cautionary tale, Humor, Presidential Politics, writing Tagged: Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Republicans, undecideds Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.