"Tall Whites" Aliens Control the USA! Says IRAN!

Documents leaked by NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden conclusively prove that the United States has been ruled by a race of tall, white space aliens who also assisted the rise of Nazi Germany in the 1930s.

These revelations about our alien overlords might not cost you any sleep. But the part that should concern you a tad is that the UFO story was just published by the Fars News Agency, the English-language news service of Iran, a nation that may be very close to acquiring nuclear weapons.

This being a crazy conspiracy theory, naturally the Russians are behind it. The alleged alien invasion was revealed in an alleged report by Russia’s FSB spy agency, which found “incontrovertible proof’ that an ‘alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda’ is driving U.S. domestic and international policy, and has been doing so since at least 1945,” said the Iranian news service.

Fars apparently got the story from a hard-core conspiracy site called whatdoesitmean.com. Here is the gist of the whatdoesitmean.com story as best I understand it (or as the alien mind-control lasers allow me to understand it):

Snowden, who has been given asylum in Russia, leaked documents that a race of extraterestrial “tall whites” arrived on Earth, helped Nazi Germany build a fleet of advanced submarines in the 1930s, and then met in 1954 with President Dwight Eisenhower “where the ‘secret regime’ currently ruling over America was established.”

“Most disturbingly, this FSB report warns, is that the ‘Tall White’ agenda being implemented by the ‘secret regime’ ruling the United States calls for the creation of a global electronic surveillance system meant to hide all true information about their presence here on earth as they enter into what one of Snowden’s documents calls the ‘final phase’ of their end plan for total assimilation and world rule.”