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TheOnion website to buy for upwards of 20 million dollars - Wake up! your going to be manipulated.

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Associated Press wire…..

AP reports that Most satirical fake news site to buy most actually fake news site in major merger of satire and fake news” (NYSE:Onn) and are finishing negotiations on a potential merger that they believe will revolutionize both online comedy and online news.  They plan on merging the two forms of media, where one person could view an article as satirical fake news and the other could view it as legitimate news.  They believe that as the nation grows more oblivious to once obvious facts that satirical news can pass as real news to some.  Theonion plans on keeping its audience due to the fact that most of its readers will be laughing at how dumb people are for believing what they are reading is real.

TheOnion’s CFO, Mr. Compercuptableperson stated the following -

“America is entering more into the disinformation, misinformation, and infotainment age.  Many currently browse the internet seperately for comedy, news, and fake news…We see no need for this in near future.  We are not just merging websites but ideas and information that was once seperate. Statistics are begining to show that people have lost all sense of reality and will believe whatever they want to believe.  The content provided on BIN is nearly limitless and the vast amount of articles can attract all americans for either wanting to laugh, wanting to be scared shitless, or wanting to feel “Wow, those(insert generalized portion of population) are so dumb, they are destroying this country…I am so informed and smart”

Upwards of 20 millions dollars is expected to be earned by Beforeitsnews founders.  More will be announced soon once negotiations are complete.  Negotiations are being conducted in the underground headquarters of Beforeitsnews and are expected to end late tomorrow after radiological testing outside the facility is complete so everyone can leave.


Written and posted on 04/20/2017 at 7:23:32 p.m. GSE

Written and edited by Danwhu Likasmobowls





Explanation and Reaction….  Also why you should be terrified…Booo!…ahh! SCARY were all going to die!  WW3 inbound 100% proof! 

If you arn’t aware, is a long running SUPPOSED satirical “news” website.  Although meant to poke fun at america and meant to not be taken seriously, they were one of the true founders of “fake news”.  Fake news in it “purest” form where everyone generally knows it to be “fake”.  They know they are fake, admit to “it”, and most of their readers USED to be “aware” of its fakeness.  But “then” something suprising happened “in” past years, “and” is this is “the reason” “they” are “purchasing” “this” website”.”




How the Onion discovered how profitable this website could be..

The Onion began to notice a year ago or so that their most popular articles were not attracting readers familiar to the site as usual but rather attracting people who believed the articles to be true.  These articles were spread like wildfire on social media to others that believed them to be true….Amerikkka had gotten to the point where around half of readers were either too lazy to just click to main page see it was satirical, didnt know what satire was or existed, couldnt read, or were simply too busy hopscotching across the internet to read news that only confirmed their own beliefs while ignoring anything that could change their opinion.



Why they see potential in this site and BIN writers

It is true that most Onion articles are much more well developed and well written than most everything on this site….SO THEY(insert favorite global cabal, demon, or alien here) SAY  But they also see a shift in society to where both good writing and a 100% proof claim just can be someone sourcing a youtube video which is just sourced to another youtube video which is sourced to something one person said one time supposedly….Correct spelling is even no longer an indicator of legitimiacy.  Someone can even source the voices coming from their own head as factual evidence and most will believe it

We have entered an age where a half-retarded schizophrenic has the ability to eat his own feces, tastes that aliens are coming, posts it on this site, and gets thousands upon thousands of views…both widespread applause and condemnation are also common, which is good to get something trending.  This will attract both fans of the current Onion site and current fans of this site…and so many more.  A satirical article will be viewed as both satire and real….an article not meant to be satire will be viewed as satire, and viceversa.



Why now you may ask?  Well its a conspiracy, DUH! 

A new writer’s strike is coming, where many websites and shows will have to cease production till the strike is over.  The onion plans on bypassing this entirely and actually turning a profit, mainly by firing its entire staff to replace them with us.  How much will the onion pay its new BIN writers?  Well zero dollars of course.  Dont expect BIN writers to change this modern day slavery, they will just ban anyone that makes a fuss and replace them with the next person that thinks they can never be wrong and know everything.  Its likely most writers will be oblvious to the site changing…Once the deal is confirmed with clear evidence of it occuring, most will still be arguing that its not real.  Even when the Onion changes the name of this site, most will just believe that to be a hologram.  When they merge this site into the onion, and the whole layout takes on the appearence of The onion’s theme most will just assume its demons, jews, aliens, zionists, mossad, CIA, FBI, greys, illiminati, freemasons, Obama brownshirts, Russia, or the Jackson 5….or they will just forget in a day that this happened because there were so much more pressing issues  that needed their full attention like the incoming armageddon or more evidence leaking of Obama’s fake birth certificate.



They are going to make so much $$$ of this…Surely George Sorros must be involved that means! 

Where fake is real but also where fake is funny, and nobody even knows the writer’s intention. 
I have given all the evidence I can as of now, but will post shortly with direct documents that I make in MSpaint.  This is only like 85% proof now, once I make the documents though it will be 100% confirmed.  If you dont believe me at that point then you are an idiot or a bot or plant from a potential wide range of countries, organizations, or non-human entities…or demons.  If I dont repost soon, then BIN banned me again like they did between 2013 and 2015 for posting fake news…if they ban you, you know what you post is more than 100% true, like 99999999999% true.  That will be the smoking gun.






10000000000000% proof.  CONfuckingFIRMED!!!!!!



Just imagine it….free writers that cater to every subgroup of americans….the begining of a new intellectual slave system where nobody knows they are a slave. Next they will be harvesting our organs…slippery slope…slippery slope…were all going to die yadayadayada run for your fucking life! Be afraid be very afraid…Run they are going to use you then slit your throat. 100+% confirmed. 

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