European Review: BMW 116i Hatchback (W/ Video)

By Thomas Hellmanzik

When it comes to automobiles, people like different things and prioritize accordingly – which is true in many aspects of life. For instance, not everyone enjoys burgers, beer and an R-rated shoot-‘em-up flick. Salad, sparkling water with just a shpritz of lemon (hold the ice), and a film about a bunch of wussy-ass vampires are very popular choices, too.

You see, just like pissants getting shot in the face and an onslaught of profanities isn’t everybody’s fucking cup o’ tea, some people simply don’t enjoy going fast in a car. Yes, I find that a bit odd, too. Still, just because I can’t comprehend why anybody with a limited budget would prefer soft-touch (mostly) everything and a fancy badge over a decent engine doesn’t mean it’s not a valid concept.

In Germany, €30,000 will either buy you a fast car with a not-exactly-German interior, or a base German car fitted with a handful of toys and a motor for the romcom enthusiast.

The 1 Series I drove for a few days was equipped with a 1.6 turbo making 136 horsepower and 164 ft-lb of torque (0-62 in 8.5 seconds). The engine is much better than I had originally assumed, and it delivers max torque from 1,350 – 4,250 rpm, making it quite alright for everyday driving. There is also a bit of slow-car-fast fun to be had, but that’s about the nicest thing I can say in regards to the motor. Considering the stat sheet and engine configuration though, that’s a compliment of the highest order.

Nevertheless, that’s still a shame, because with a better engine, the 1 Series is a great car. The stock suspension is a comfortable setup that is capable enough for some very enjoyable mountain road shenanigans. However, it is not a hardcore setup: under hard braking, the back gets very light indeed and sketchy rear axle behavior sometimes ensues. The much stiffer M suspension would probably go a long way in reducing the weight shift impact, but it would also severely diminish the ride quality – the electronic dampers are probably worth a try. The 6-speed manual is as good as BMW ‘boxes have always been and it’s paired with a clutch pedal that is awesome in every way. While the stock seats go low enough for me to find a great seating position, they certainly don’t give enough support, which is why the sport seats are a good option.

The Bavarian manufacturer has always gone out of its way to make sure you know they are selling you the most driver oriented cars on the market. Yet, the 1 Series doesn’t even have a water temperature gauge. Every time a halfway decent car doesn’t give me access to the oil and water temperature, I get more than a bit upset, because the computers have the information anyways and nowadays, 98% of all gauge clusters do have some sort of electronic display. But it gets worse: when the E90 first came out, a BMW PR person told the German automobile club ADAC that they don’t want to distract the driver with unnecessary information. I know it’s not an M3, but this kind of information should at least be accessible through a basic menu.

All things considered, Munich’s last rear-drive hatchback is a cool car. I like the F20’s driving dynamics quite a bit, and a BMW is always a pleasant place to be. The 116i is no different and an alright proposition if all you ever do is commute to work and drive to the stores, but the not-good-enough motor kills a lot of the car’s potential. With a budget of thirty grand for a compact car, something along the lines of a Ford Focus ST or Renault Mégane RS won’t be quite as nice as a daily driver, but it comes with almost twice the power, which means it’s not only a means of transportation, but also a very fast toy all in one package.

If you like driving, a BMW is almost always a good idea. A cheap one, however, is a bit like a cut-to-pieces PG13 Die Hard film: a waste of money and talent. I say either cough up enough dough for a proper BMW or shop elsewhere. Yippie ki-yay, mother trucker!

Check out Thomas’ video review of the 116i Here! 

The Smoking Tire
The Smoking Tire’s YouTube Channel