The Shitbox, Fondly Recalled
Automobiles, Motorcycles and Libertarian Politics
The late and very great Brock Yates coined the term.
Shitboxes.
They don’t make them anymore – not really. Modern economy cars are not shitboxes.
A shitbox is something like an ’80s-era Ford Escort or – even better – a Hyundai Excel or Yugo.
The Chevette is a contender. A Citation even more so.
No one makes cars like that anymore.
Things on four wheels with the hearts of worn-out lawnmowers and embarrassing names like Champ and Protege (the car that hopes one day to be a car).
If you missed the ’70s and ’80s, you missed out.
Zero to 60 times in the 15-30 second range, with top speeds around 85 mph. God help you if you hit something. Or something hit you. Three-speed automatics and four-speed manuals, no overdrive. Doors that closed with less solidity than the bi-fold metal dividers you find in single-wides. A speedometer and a gas gauge, nothing more.
They leaked; rust began to bubble before the warranty expired. They sputtered and stalled. They made pathetic sounds and looked even more so.
Modern economy cars are nothing like that.
The least of them can reach 60 mph in about 9 seconds and most will do at least 115 on top, which is more speed than most late ’70s muscle cars had.
They come standard with air conditioning and are fitted out with a complete set of instruments and almost always not-half-bad stereo rig – usually with a CD player and four speakers.
They are far from shitty – or even boxy.
Some are nice enough in their own right that you’d think about buying one because you like it, not because you can’t afford something better.
You have to be at least in your mid-30s today to understand how utterly the landscape has changed. Old enough to have driven or at least seen a Datsun B210, a Toyota Starlet, Subaru Justy, an early K-car or Plymouth Champ.
Those were shitboxes.
Thirteen inch steel wheels and four lug hubs and the cheapest, skinniest tires this side of a Pee Wee Herman’s bicycle. So underpowered that top speed runs and 0-60 times were both more or less the same things. The finest Soviet bloc materials on the inside; carpets if you were lucky.
All the crashworthiness of a brightly painted cardboard refrigerator container. If you hit something, you’d feel it. Hit a tree , and it would be the very last thing you’d feel.
But they did have their charms.
With early onset tire squeal came an opportunity to hone your driving skills.
Anyone who spent some seat time parking brake U-turning a Starlet has one up on a driver who hasn’t had the experience. Without ABS and with barely marginal stopping power, one learned all about following distances and planning ahead.
You kept a can of ether in the glovebox to hose down the throat of the single barrel carb when the little son-of-bitch wouldn’t start on cold mornings. A rag in the glovebox to wipe down the fogged-up windshield and a roll of duct tape under the seat at all times.
You kept sweats and other warm extra clothes in the trunk, too – because either the heat didn’t work or the car was so drafty it didn’t matter if it did. In summer, you were shirtless – layers of electrical tape keeping the seat springs from jabbing you in the balls too much.
A friend in high school had an especially wretched little Subaru. Reverse crapped out, but the forward gears still worked. So we would Fred Flintstone it out of the 7-11 parking lot.
But as much as we cursed it, it gave us lots of story fodder.
I can’t think of a single modern economy car that’s memorable in the way the old stuff was. They rarely break down and none of them are dangerous. Few are unpleasant to drive. They have AC, adequate stereos. Decent seats. More and more of them either have or offer GPS and satellite radio.
Driving cross-country in one would not be like crossing the Atlantic in the 16th century aboard a rickety, scurvy laden Golden Hind.
But I doubt we’ll have anything much to say about them 20 years from now – and that tells me we’re the poorer for it, somehow. Especially today’s kids. The Shitbox Experience has come and gone like real Coke with cane sugar, lawn darts and catalytic converter test pipes.
Brock would grok this.
If you like what you’ve found here, please consider supporting EPautos.
We depend on you to keep the wheels turning!
Our donate button is here.
If you prefer not to use PayPal, our mailing address is:
EPautos
721 Hummingbird Lane SE
Copper Hill, VA 24079
PS: EPautos stickers are free to those who send in $20 or more to support the site.
The post The Shitbox, Fondly Recalled appeared first on EPautos – Libertarian Car Talk.
Source: http://ericpetersautos.com/2017/03/21/shitbox-fondly-recalled/
Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.
"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
Before It’s News® is a community of individuals who report on what’s going on around them, from all around the world. Anyone can join. Anyone can contribute. Anyone can become informed about their world. "United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
LION'S MANE PRODUCT
Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules
Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, but it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.
Our Formula includes: Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity. Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins. Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system. Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome. Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function. Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules Today. Be 100% Satisfied or Receive a Full Money Back Guarantee. Order Yours Today by Following This Link.
Unfortunately, I had a shitbox, in fact, a black version of the 1985 Dodge Aries pictured.
Bought it with only 6,000 miles on it in 1985, basically a brand new car. Chrysler’s famed 2.2 four cylinder powerplant who, at the time claimed it would go 2 or even 300,000 miles before it needed to be opened up.
I must say, the 2.6 Mitsubishi motor in the Plymouth Reliant was more, well, reliable.
But that is exactly what Chrysler was competing against – cheap, reliable small Japanese vehicles that were flooding the US market at that time. Needless to say, the first cylinder blew under normal driving conditions, at 45,000 miles. Well under the 5 year/50,000 mile warranty was expired….forcing the dealer to do a complete rebuild on the lower half.
Then, in the early 1990′s General Motors created the Saturn brand to finally address the reliability issues with the tiny domestics. The Saturn SL1 was not a shitbox – as long as it was the 1.9L SOHC (single overhead cam). For some odd reason, they found it necessary to make a twin cam in the same 1.9L block. The two cams had to be timed together, which made this version expensively unworthy to own.
Needless to say, I am today still a great fan of these small Saturns, even though GM has discontinued the brand.
In my opinion, the SL1 is a far better car than the Honda Civic or Toyota Corolla.
I remember in the ’60s my Mum had an Austin, then a Rambler, then they bought a brand-new AMC Javelin – wow!
But it had a straight-six in it and revved really high at highway speeds (whatta shame) and it was a shitbox.