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DENVER—Saying that he wasn’t going to take any shit tonight and that the debate podiums “looked just as fucking lame as all the dressed-up suits in this godforsaken hellhole of a room,” Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney appeared tonight at the University of Denver’s Magness Arena as Ronnie Ferocious, the aggressive, no-rules punk-rock persona he has reportedly adopted for his three debates against President Barack Obama.
“On the one hand, Ronnie Ferocious isn’t as composed as Obama,” undecided Colorado voter Brendan Thompson said after an early question in which Romney strutted to the back of the auditorium, leaned against the wall, and said, “I’ll stand wherever the fuck I want to stand.” “But at the same time, I think he could be just what the country needs right now. Yeah, I guess I like Ronnie Ferocious.”
At press time, Romney called for a profusely bleeding Lehrer to either move forward with the debate or “man up and punch [him] in the balls.”
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